Tim Rattay? Chris Simms? Yeah. Those Guys Are Going To Lead The Patriots To The Playoffs in Brady’s Absence…

There are already reports that Tim Rattay and Chris Simms are coming to Massachusettes this afternoon to work out for the Patriots.

I don’t like it.

I don’t like it one bit.

Tim Rattay? Really? I forgot that guy even existed.

And Chris Simms? I prefer my quarterbacks have a spleen, thank you.

I might be wrong about Simms. And by wrong I mean to say that perhaps he has been so humiliated by the way he was treated by John Gruden in Tampa Bay that he has something to prove and would like nothing more than to be able to prove it on a team with great wide receivers 4 solid running backs and a defense that has a pass rush this season.

Does anyone remember that movie The Replacementsthat stars Keanu Reeves and Gene Hackman (worst decision of your life Royal)? I honestly don’t see how you could forget it if you have had basic cable for the last 2 years.

Anyway, in the movie, Keanu’s character’s nickname is “Footsteps” because he was apparently so awful in the BCS Bowl game that he went from almost leading his college to a National Championship to never being given a chance by any NFL team and earning the nickname “Footsteps”.

“Footsteps” is a tough nickname to earn. It has a lot of implications. That a quarterback holds the ball too long,s tays in the pocket too long and makes horrific decisions that get him massacred (sounds like Drew Beldsoe!).

But in all seriousness, Chris Simms is probably the only quarterback in the NFL who has truly earned the nickname “Footsteps”.

Simms suffered a ruptured spleen in 2006 in week 3 that put him out for the year. He lost 5 pints of blood. Yes. 5.

But after that John Gruden kind of treated him like he was a wuss for getting the shit kicked out of him. The Bucs started Jeff Garcia. And all though Simms -5 career TD to INT ratio isn’t at all impressive, he was a young up and comer who did have some potential.

Simms has played in a game since the ruptured spleen game in week 3 of 2006.

Bill Belichick worked with the Giants when Phil Simms was their starting quarterback.

If it is experience the Patriots want, Simms isn’t really the most experienced guy. Yes, he’s had more NFL playing time than say Matt Cassel or Kevin O’Connell, but it isn’t as if Simms is an aged veteran who has lead many a team in the past.

I move that if Simms comes to New England, all Patriots fans refer to him only as “Footsteps” during his tenure. If Footsteps comes to the Patriots and has something to prove (which he sure as hell should), who knows. Maybe it will be a great redemption story.

But the guy that I want in a Patriots uniform by week 3?

 

Daunte Culpepper!

MOSS/CULPEPPER 2008!!

That is one presidential ticket that has experience, says what it is thinking and isn’t one heartbeat away from death.

Just imagine this song playing every single time Culpepper throws a bomb to Randy Moss.

Hell Daunte, you can even call Wes Welker “Cris” for all I care.

Just come back!!

WE NEED YOU!

I was a fool to ever leave your side
Me minus you is such a lonely ride
The breakup we had has made me lonesome and sad
I realize I love you
‘Cause I want you bad, hey, hey

I spent the evening with the radio
Regret the moment that I let you go
Our quarrel was such a way of learning so much
I know now that I love you
‘Cause I need your touch, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey

I sat here staring at the same old wall
Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb right through the telephone line
And give you what you want
So you will still be mine, hey, hey

I can’t go cheating, honey, I can’t play
I found it very hard to stay away
As we reminisce on precious moments like this
I’m glad we’re back together
‘Cause I missed your kiss, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-a-a-by

Lover, lover, this is solid love
And you’re exactly what I’m dreaming of
All through the day
And all through the night

I’ll give you all the love I have
With all my might, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey