Grady Sizemore will continue to be awesome and continue to inspire other teams to get excited to make him contract offers.
Cliff Lee will win 15 games. Which is way above average. But because he won the Cy Young last year sports writers will pretend he was a one year fluke and write him off completely. This will destroy his confidence and he’ll never win 20 games again. But not because he isn’t capable.
Kerry Wood will be a great closer…for the 32 appearances he has before he’s out for the season.
Mark DeRosa will decide he’s tired of playing every position and needs a bigger challenge and leave the Indians in July for “retirement” so he can try out for the Cleveland Browns. DeRosa will easily make the Browns and catch 63 passes as their second WR in place of a then incarcerated Donte Stallworth.
Fans of other teams all over America will refer to Asdrubal Cabrera as “Ass Dribble” and laugh to themselves because they’re really really clever.
Jhonny Peralta will finally just cave and change his name to “Johnny” to stop publications everywhere from seeing “Jhonny” in print and correcting it automatically because who the fuck is named “Jhonny”?
Ryan Garko will get some playing time and hit 14 home runs. He will stroke out 110 times in 234 at bats and have a .229 batting average.
Carl Pavano, anxious to prove himself, will get off to a great start with the Indians, recapture the love of Alyssa Milano and then break both his legs in a jet ski accident during All Star week.
The Indians will come in last in the AL Central. That’s right. Behind the Royals.
Fausto Carmona will be 9-14 and generally look average at best.
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