Mark Cuban Accused Of Insider Trading.

The World’s Smartest Man, Best Dresser and Penultimate Blogger, Mark Cuban, was accused of Insider Trading yesterday.

The reason why we waited until the end of the work day today to write about it is, frankly, who gives a rat’s ass?

Mark Cuban is rich for a reason and we would hedge our bets on him staying rich.

Yes, we know Martha Stewart went to prison, but she went to prison for lying to investigators and Obstruction of Justice (the O.O.J. as my lawyer pal Bombs calls it).

The S.E.C. doesn’t really like it when people fuck with them. They’re like Dr. Dre in some respects…

Anyway, I would assume that Mark Cuban already has a cruise ship full of lawyers docked outside his palace.

No matter how the media spins this story, it won’t be all that interesting…

Unless it somehow finds a way to involve underage sex or illegal gambling or murder…

John McEnroe Gets Ejected From Tournament In Newport RI.

The universe where a star athlete could look like that and be taken seriously is so distant…

My friend Bombs is a lot like McEnroe. He is a fierce competitor. One time we were playing basketball and someone knocked off his glasses driving in for a layup. Bombs yelled a string of obscenities, made all 9 other people on the court fear for their lives, kicked a trash can, slammed a door and stormed out of the gym. We were all a little dumbfounded.

He came back like 10 minutes later with his glasses taped up and was fine. And to this day doesn’t actually remember everything that happened.

McEnroe decided that Federer and Nadal getting all the tennis press would not last long. He got into an argument, taunted some fans and got thrown out of a tournament.

Remember when they gave him a talk show?

The only major difference between Bombs and John McEnroe is that McEnroe was great at tennis, his sport of choice, whereas Bombs sucks at Mario Kart 64, his sport of choice.

Weekend Wrap Up

So there were these Olympics things that started.

I did what any American would do and ordered Peking Ravioli and Crab Rangoons and enjoyed 5 hours of Olympic mastery.

A couple of notes:

1) The whole thing was surreal and sort of scary.

2) Bob Costas needs to stop talking about how great China is. I get it. It’s improving. China still isn’t a great place to be. They still have a lot of issues. These Olympics shouldn’t be treated as a victory lap. They should be treated more as the start of a long race. There is still a long way to go. To the point that a few times I thought to myself “I wonder if these dancers will get executed if they mess up….”

3) Yao Ming is tall.

4) I like fireworks.

5) I hate tape delay.

Of course the Olympics featured a murder/suicide on day 2.

Also unfortunate this weekend, Russia has become very aggresive in Georgia. This has prompted me to change the name of my Fantasy Football team which was “The USSR Hammer & Sickle” for 4 years running to a temporary replacement of “Free Matt Jones!!!”. I cannot support the actions of a government that murders innocent civilians with my fantasy football team name. I guess I need to put my CCCP shirt in the back of my closet for a while.

If anyone has any suggestions as to what I should rename my Fantasy Football team, please let me know.

I saw Have Heart, Shipwreck (featuring Bombs), Verse, Blacklisted and New Lows this weekend. Great show. Have Heart was astounding as usual. Blacklisted had a nice set. Shipwreck did not experience the “technical difficulties” that plagued them at Sound and Fury (“technical difficulties” is code for Bombs being black out drunk and unable to play guitar). New Lows were really solid. They impressed Blade.  A lot of fun. It takes going to hardcore shows to see who exactly is buying all of the stylish Boston Red Sox hats…

Brett Favre fumbled a snap and ran a lap at Jets training camp. He will most likely be doing this frequently during the regular season. Hopefully at least 7 times a game.

My hope here is that at some point this season, Eric Mangini thinks to himself “Shit! WE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF WITH PENNINGTON!!!”.

Chris Carpenter is hurt again!! OH my! That NEVER happens.The only person who seems to be hurt as consistently as him is Plaxico Burress. Fortunately Plaxico is healthy right now….wait a minute!

Sadly, Bernie Mac and Issac Hayes both passed away this weekend.

Oh, and Team USA is better than Team China at basketball. Who would have guessed?

Another Reason Why The Angels Will Win The World Series

John Lackey was great last night. Before the game I was at the Red Hat with some old friends (Bombs, Blade, CMaj, Evan) and I asked if anyone would pay me 5-1 if the Red Sox were sweeped. Yes, based on my previous entries, I decided if I bet $5 on the Red Sox getting sweeped against the Angels that I almost certainly would win $25. There were no takers.

The Angels are the best team in baseball hands down. And no Abby, it is NOT because they have dead people helping them.

Anyway as the game progressed the Red Sox fell into some nasty habits and the Angels were scoring runs and Lackey had a no hitter (Pedroia and Youkilis are the ones who scored, Pedroia broke it up. It seems like these two guys have been the only CONSISTENT bats on the Red Sox all season).

But these aren’t the new reasons why the Angels will win the World Series in 2008. No no.

When you are ALREADY the best team in baseball (best rotation, best bullpen, solid lineup AND have the best record) and you go out and ADD another bat to help an offense that has been underachieving? That is an insanely smart managerial decision.

I before E except after X and T...apparently.

Mark Teixeira is an absolute beast. He is 28, I’d be willing to bet he finishes this season (his 6th, mind you) with 200 home runs. He already has 920 hits (in 5 and less than 3/4 seasons).

Additionally, Teixeira is someone who IS NOT vastly under performing this year. He already has 20 HR, 78 RBI and a .390 OBP. Adding him to this Angels team is like adding Danny DeVito to “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”, something that was already great is now EVEN MORE great.

NOBODY wants to pitch to this guy

I WOULD NOT want to pitch to the middle of the Angels lineup.

Another Great Day For Spo(r)ts!!

ANOTHER GREAT DAY FOR SPORTS!!!

Does everyone else feel ready for the overwhelming tragedy that will almost certainly befall the Beijing Olympics in a month?

I’ve never been a huge Olympics fan for a few reasons: I’m not that interested in a lot of events, The events I am interested in are rarely televised, the time delay from when they happen to when they are broadcast sucks because I already know the outcomes, Mario Kart 64 isn’t an event…etc.

But I feel almost positive that something horrible is going to happen at these Olympics. I really hope it doesn’t, but I just get the feeling, the way things are going…

Richie Sexson was cut?!!?! You mean you CAN’T bat .225 and be a big leaguer?!?!? If he even ends up on the Red Sox…I swear…

Mark Mulder being hurt is at that point where it shouldn’t qualify as news. That would be like a daily headline saying “Mugabe Is A Bad Ruler” or one that said “Every Nickelback Song Sounds The Same”, its not news, its just the way it is.

Rape articles can be found here and here. Fucked up.

Speaking of, SLAMBALL player Ivan Lattimore will remain in prison until the September hearing for Domestic Violence. The more I read about this case the more fucked up it is.

Barry Bonds is apparently on the way back to the majors. Or rather, his agent says he could be ready to be back in the majors within 10 days. That doesn’t mean anyone is interested. The Royals should make him an offer. Or The O’s or the Blue Jays. Or the Mariners. Or the Brewers. Either a team that could use someone to get on base consistently to help put them over the top, or a shitty team that wants to sell some tickets. Maybe the Nationals. He’ll NEVER come to the Red Sox. He hates Boston and Boston hates him. Drop it Bombs.

Matt Jones likes Coke. I can’t say I’m surprised by this completely. I mean, I never expect any athlete to get caught cutting a mound of coke in a car or anything like that, but I had heard about Matt Jones personality issues in the past. I hope he gets some help.

Red’s Army had some nice insight about James Posey. This is one deal the Celtics really need to get done. A) He’s tough. He throws bodies around and he pisses people off. B) He is a great shooter. C) He is never afraid of anything. I never had an ounce of fear with Posey on the court in ANY situation last season. He never gets down on himself, he never doubts his shot and he just doesn’t seem to worry about stupid shit. D) He makes BIG plays (the steal in game 6 against the Pistons…for example). He’s always aware of what’s going on and will always try to make the heads up play. E) He could easily start if someone got hurt. F) He’s the best possible off-the-bench replacement for Paul Pierce in the NBA, in that he, like Pierce, has shooting range, can take it inside or jack up a three, he plays defense he isn’t careless with the ball and he knows when to pass and when to shoot. GET POSEY. DANNY AINGE!! SIGN JAMES POSEY NOW OR I WILL TRADE MY DANNY AINGE BLUE JAYS ROOKIE CARD FOR 4 ERIC MONTROSS CARDS AND A KENNY ANDERSON HOLOGRAM!!!

Thanks.

Not a lot on the Baron Davis front. Is that signing official yet? I hope not.

So many free agents…so little time.

A-Rod, Divorce, Madonna, Awesome.

ARod and his wife are on the way to an expensive, long divorce.

Here’s what Madonna had to say about it:

“I brought my kids to a Yankee game,” Madonna said in the statement. “I am not romantically involved in any way with Alex Rodriguez. I have nothing to do with the state of his marriage or what spiritual path he may choose to study.”

She just wants everyone to know that SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT SPIRITUAL PATH A ROD MAY CHOOSE! OK? SO BACK OFF HIS SPIRITUAL PATH BITCHES!

Absurd.

There is no person in the universe more in love with herself than Madonna.

ARod, I know you’re on the Yankees, and I’m regionally obligated to hate you but I’m trying to look out for you here. Stay away from Madonna. She’s a psyhotic bitch and I know that “Live To Tell” was a great song, but what was the last even quasi-good single she had? Don’t say “Hung Up”. I’ll puke. And this is what she’ll always look like to me:

 

 You really don’t want to put any part of your body near that.

Plus, this is the chick who tried to seduce Jose Canseco in like 1991. Think about that ARod. You were like 16 then. Do you really want to hook up with a lady who was hooking up with JOSE CANSECO OF ALL PEOPLE when you were 16? Bad idea. You’ve already made yourself another name on the list of (roid using) ballplayers Madonna has caught in her web.

ARod’s wife has been no angel in previous media columns. I think that incident was after the whole I’m ARod and I like prostitutes thing.

Also, Madonna clearly is enjoying being a headline in ANY publication. She’s that trashy. She’s probably doing victory laps around her $10 million dollar mansion singing in a fake British Accent, planning on stealing some kid from Haiti or something.

It all reminds me of a simple analogy my roommate Mike made one day:

Bombs was over and a commercial with Rachel Ray was on TV. Mike and I complained, Bombs said “She’s pretty”. Mike responded with “So is a ceiling fan, but that doesn’t mean you should stick your tongue in it”.

Despite Reports To The Contrary Gilbert Arenas Proves He Likes Money.

Contrary to what you might have heard, Gilbert Arenas really likes cash money. 

The $127 million 6 year rumor I reported on Tuesday was apparently what he wanted but he has decided that a mere $111 million should suffice:

“What can I do for my family with $127 million that I can’t do with $111 million?” he told The Washington Post.

Bombs thinks its insane. He has this habit of posting comments that are completely unrelated to the post and thus giving me immediate assignments. This could all be resolved if you just wrote with me Bombs…but no, you want to be a lawyer and work with Jim Sokolove…you want to tell them all that you mean business…please.

We’re getting sidetracked here…

$18.5 million a year for 6 years, for a point guard coming off of a surgery season where he played a total of 17 of a possible 88 games…? 

I understand that he is only 26, has a killer jump shot and was setting the world on fire in 2006-07. Its just an absurd amount of money. 

I’m not saying the Wizards won’t be good, because if they are healthy and work out some team chemistry issues, they can easily be a strong contender in the East (they killed the Celtics 3 out of 4 meetings last season. Only team that absolutely got the best of the Champs all year. 

But $18.5 million? For 6 years? 

That’s a lot of money. And a long long long long long long commitment. 

Signing a contract for $22 million a year for 3 more years? Chris Paul. 

But Paul is clearly worth every penny.

He doesn’t have a gimpy knee, is clearly a franchise player, the Hornets are only a few pieces away from a title, he is unselfish and wants to win, he is like Superman in New Orleans…I can gush all night.

But I’m tired.

Something big is going to happen soon.

Old Friend Returns

Today after work I decided I needed to visit the Garden again. I hadn’t been over there since game 2 of the Conference Finals and I was missing it. I heard they erected a giant statue of the championship trophy. I didn’t know it would be that big.

I walked down there, hoping the Pro Shop would be open so I could spend some more money and buy the remainder of the team in jersey shirts, maybe a Paul Pierce bobble head for my office desk, maybe a “Beat LA” shirt (you never know when I will need to encourage someone or something to ‘beat LA’ again. Maybe sooner than you think. Shit, even if the Lakers go down the toilet, maybe the Hornets will be in the Finals against the Celtics in future years. We can just recycle the ‘Beat LA’ shirts then too…). Unfortunately the Pro Shop was closed (for no good reason. I would agree if it were just the Summer and the season was over, no Celtics or Bruins related events going on…fine. But it was 6:30 p.m. the day after the greatest comeback in a single game in NBA Finals history. As I went to peek in the window, about ten other people came over to do the same and express their disbelief in it being closed.

So I walked through the train station portion and out to the other side. The side with the giant statue.

It was big. A lot bigger than I thought it would be. I would estimate 25 or 30 feet maybe. And the placement? right on top of an overpass. So everyone on the highway can see it. Beautiful.

Today was a different kind of day. Boston has been going through kind of a stifling heat wave for the last week but today it was in the upper 70’s, not super humid and there was a nice constant breeze. Beautiful, perfect weather.

So I decided to sit down and take it in. Talk about the team with people. Watch hundreds of people randomly come by just like me, to sit and look at the statue. To have their picture taken in front of it or to just take in a beautiful day and talk Celtics.

And I remembered a few things.

I was born at a strange time in Celtics history. Right in the middle of the 80’s, in a time when they were amazing and doing unbelievable things. The first poster I ever had was a Larry Bird poster It was on the door in my bedroom from the time I was 3 until I was 12 or 13 and it was absolutely ripped and destroyed. 

I was born a Celtics fan. A Red Sox fan. A Patriots fan and a Bruins fan. My father shared these teams with me like they were secrets that only we and a few other people knew about. 

But I can’t remember the Celtics even being a competitive team aside from a few year sin the 2000’s when Paul Pierce carried them with some role players. 

I remember I was in North Conway, New Hampshire the day Larry Bird announced his retirement. I must have been 7. I didn’t even know what a retirement was. I knew my dad was sad but not in a crying kind of way, sort of like in a losing a friend because you grew apart kind of way.

Kevin McHale was gone soon thereafter. Robert Parrish went too.

Then when I was a little older (8 or 9) Reggie Lewis died. It seemed like the saddest thing to ever happen to anyone. He was supposed to save the Celtics. And he died. And nothing about it made sense. I remember looking at the pictures of his memorial service in a Sports Illustrated and trying to make sense of death and the afterlife and how things like that just kind of happen.

The Celtics were a tragedy. I loved Dee Brown for a while but he wasn’t enough to carry the team alone. And so in a way, its like I lost a friend for a lot of years (mostly my whole life). Not like the friend died or anything like that but more like they moved far away to somewhere where they might occasionally drop by and we would think about old times (2002) but for the most part we stayed far away from each other (2006-07).

This Celtics team is like that friend deciding to move back. That friend has come home to Boston where they belong. And I remember everything I love about them and its hard to even imagine going through the better part of my life without them by my side.

Its not that I stopped watching the Celtics. I still watched the Playoffs religiously and checked in every week to see a regular season game during the regular season. I even went to a few games over the last couple of years.

But things are different when you’re cheering (largely) by yourself for a team that no one else believes in anymore.

Obviously there are some exceptions. My friend Bombs has bled green his entire life and even forced me to tune in to all 18 of the Celtics consecutive tank streak last season when we were roommates. 

Bombs never left. He might not have gotten so many tickets, he might have been made fun of for watching the Celtics so zealously. But he never abandoned hope.

I remember having long phone calls about the possible Allen Iverson trade three years ago with Bombs.

He also is great to watch games with because it’s like a younger version of Tommy Heinson is in your living room. Last night after Pau Gasol hit an easy lay up, I made a joke about his apparent drug habits (the guy looks more like a junkie than ANYONE else in the NBA) and Bombs said:

 

“F-you Pau Gasol. Go put on one of those French hats!! You Eurotrash piece of shit. What are those called?”

 

Me: “You mean berets?” 

Bombs: “Yeah, go put on a beret you cock tobogin!”

I called my Dad today to tell him I’ll see him tomorrow. He asked me if I walked around giggling all day today. And I told him I kind of did. I just kept replaying that Ray Allen drive against chair puncher Sasha Vujacic in my head.

 

He told me he felt the same way. We made plans to watch it AGAIN on EPSN Classic tomorrow night and DVR it. FOR GOOD.

It isn’t just about some team. I love this group of guys. I want to see them ALL do well at ANYTHING they do in life. 

This is like that old friend coming back to stay. He might look different and sound different, but he’s still so familiar. The Celtics are the old friends I have waited for for a long time.

 

NBA Finals Game 4 Earth Shattering Jesus Shuttlesworth Kobe Bryant Is Turd International Lakers Fail Cry Jack Cry!

I’m sorry that my title is a long nonsensical run-on sentence but I woke up this morning in a glass cage of emotion.

Last night was the type of game that comes along only a few times in a lifetime for your team…maybe a few times in a lifetime period.

The Celtics looked pathetic in the first quarter. A bunch of my Friends came over to watch the game and my friend Bombs was so enraged that some of them took up a count of how many times he said “give me a f-ing break!!!”. He was over 30 before halftime.

To top it all off, Rondo looked even less confident than usual (probably due to his ankle issue) and Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett weren’t at my apartment but they also weren’t really at the Staples Center, so I was a little upset.

Also, Mike Breen pulled out the “This one will be a good old fashioned blow out!” card around 7 minutes into the first quarter. I feel like there should be some laws to sports broadcasting on national television:

1) Don’t ever say anything that will both enrage the fans of one team and make you look completely moronic at the same time (I know, the Celtics were down 20 in the first. Fine. But it is the NBA FINALS! Its not like the Lakers got a 20 point lead on The Miami Heat in the first quarter. Then it might be all right to say ‘this might be a blowout’. Butseriously? I mean, I didn’t think the Celtics were wining that game, but I KNEW they would NEVER allow ANY TEAM to beat them by more than 15. Not the way they’ve been playing the last couple of rounds anyway).

2) NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER compare someone to Dr. J, MJ, Kareem, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson…etc. during a game (OR AFTER A GAME FOR THAT MATTER) while they are still young and playing. Its easy to judge Kareem’s place in history because he is retired and has completed a full body of work. Ditto for everyone else I named. But come on! I love Leon Powe just as much (if not a lot more) than the next guy. But he doesn’t look like Dr. J. Ever.

3) Do not be afraid to show some emotion every once in a while. That Ray Allen lay up….that could have been a call for the ages. He broke free and nailed a game winning layup. And they had nothing to say about it.

4) Don’t keep saying “THE CELTICS ARE ON THE VERGE OF THE GREATEST COMEBACK IN NBA FINALS HISTORY!”. That would be like saying “JON LESTER IS ON THE VERGE OF A NO HITTER”. EVERYONE CAN TELL WITHOUT YOU SAYING IT! If you want to show a little flash along the bottom of the screen, fine. But its just annoying otherwise. And Terribly bad luck. I blame the 2003 Red Sox collapse entirely on Joe Buck.

Anyway, the game looked horrible. Things were uncomfortable, I didn’t even have a seat on the couch (in my own apartment!) and the Celtics got outscored 35-14 in the first 12 minutes.

And then things started to come together.

In the second half the Lakers only scored 33 points (how you hold a team to less points AT HOME in the final 24 minutes of a game than you gave up in the first 12 minutes is beyond me). The Celtics went wild. Doc Rivers seemed to know exactly what to do the whole way (7 minute Sam Cassell stint in the first half notwithstanding).

Leon Powe played 7 minutes and notched 5 rebounds and 3 points.

The Celtics were an incredible 7-7 from the paint in the third quarter. Shot selection got them back into the game.

And then somehow defensive execution went way up.

Do you ever feel like Kendrick Perkins is either incredibly good (10% of the time) or incredibly unproductive (as in, commits too many fouls and doesn’t move well enough in the post to put up points like he should)?

When the Celtics went small, I knew they had a small chance.

Eddie House is an emotional player. James Posey is an emotional player. Those two guys have been playing side by side all season long. You can’t tell me that the Lakers have a “deeper bench” as I read from so many ESPN columnists last week. The Celtics easily have the deepest bench int he NBA. They get quality performances out of almost everybody on a consistent basis (Sam Cassell’s dead body aside).

And the way Ray Allen played at the end of the game?

First of all, that lay up where he switched hands and shot it on the way down? Absurd. And when he took Sasha Vujacic one on one to effectively end the game? Ray Allen and the Arm Sock have become Jesus Shuttlesworth. That arm sock is like a fountain of youth or something. He hasn’t played like this most of the season  the way he’s taking it to the hole and makingguys look bad. Unbelievable. The way Ray Allen carried the Celtics at the end of the game…it erases any negative things you’ve ever thought about Ray Allen int he clutch. He threw a spear through Kobe Bryant’s heart.

This Celtics team is unstoppable. They truly want it. They love and respect one another and they play like they have been together far longer than a mere 106 games (shit, 47 and 44 games for PJ Brown and Sam Cassell, whom I think does a great job cheering on the guys and getting them pumped up on the bench).

Kobe Bryant WILL LOSE either game 5 or 6 for his team because he is the antithesis of the Boston Celtics. In the words of the Get Up Kids “one star player doesn’t save the team”. Kobe WILL take somewhere between 30 and 50 shots in one of the next two games as soon as he gets pissed at his teammates and decides that they suck. And when he does that, the Celtics will see right through him and shut him down hard. Even if he scores 70 points, the Celtics will win the game 95-85.  Mark my words. He’s too selfish not to be the Achilles heel of this Lakers team.

During the last six minutes of the game, I kept reminding everyone to knock on the floor whenever Mike Breen tried to jinx the Celtics. We didn’t get up and celebrate or say ANYTHING until after the final buzzer. And when it went off we all stood up and hugged just like the Celtics.

This is a team that I feel absolutely privileged to root for. I have never felt so close to any of the Boston sports teams I’ve followed my entire life. They get it. They aren’t assholes. They aren’t me-first-crybabies (even when it might be understandable for them to be, ahem, the Cassell instead of Eddie House situation). They aren’t soft guys who are afraid of doing things the hard way. They aren’t guys who mentally check out when they go down big. They aren’t arrogant pricks who think they’ve already won.

This whole season has been about one thing. This Celtics team plays and conducts itself exactly the way that you are taught to act when you’re growing up. They share, they don’t hold grudges, they care for one another, they help each other out, they want what’s best for everyone not just themselves, they can take constructive criticism, they stand up for one another and they don’t give up when things aren’t going their way.

And they’re closer now than a lot of people thought they would ever be.