Celtics/Bulls

The last month has been a little crazy.

The Celtics beat the Bulls on Saturday night. I had a $100 ticket in the last row of my section. I went alone again. I swore after last year’s playoffs that I wouldn’t go to playoff games alone anymore. But it was essentially one of the greatest series in NBA history and even though nothing was really at stake, I just generally had the feeling that this was the defining moment for the Celtics in 2008-09.

And now they are on to play the Magic.

It seems comical that they went from playing a team that has been criminally underrated all season to playing a team that has been ridiculously overrated all season.

The Magic have some good players, sure, but they don’t really seem nearly as scary as the Gordon, Salmons, Rose, Hinrich, Noah, Miller, Thomas Bulls. I really don’t even want to think about how lopsided the series could have been if the Bulls were playing with Luol Deng.

But I’m glad I went to the game.

There isn’t much I can say now that hasn’t already been said better by someone else somewhere else.

Ben Gordon and Kirk Hinrich are in for giant paydays this off season.

It’s sort of a shame that this Bulls team is going to sort of get blown up. 

If Mike D’Antoni was their coach, I’m pretty sure they beat the Celtics in 5.

Doc Rivers Is Not Happy About Garnett’s (Bullshit) One Game Suspension.

If a player is a reflection of the city that they play for, Andrew Bogut truly is the Chris Paul of Wisconsin.

Some people think not drafting Deron Williams or Chris Paul might have been a mistake. But I disagree. Chris Paul belongs in Milwaukee the same amount that Woody Allen belongs in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. 

There was only one choice for the Bucks.

Andrew Bogut likes 3 things:

1. Bad Facial Hair
2. Being Over-Valued 
3. High-Fives

On Saturday night, Bogut also liked getting technical fouls.

Maybe the upcoming release of “Australia” has emboldened him. I can see how it would. Shit, I wish I shared a heritage with Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman. 

If you watch the video of him and Garnett, it was nothing more than what happens 30 times a game in football. A little bit of a tie up, followed by a little shoving. 

No blows were exchanged.

Luckily the Celtics decided to be super aggressive and take it to the paint tonight against the Knicks.

KG got a nice night off.

Everyone will end up happy.

…except for Andrew Bogut. That guy is still a punchbowl turd. 

 

Celtics Beat The Hawks In Crazy Game. Paul Pierce Hits Game Winner.

Paul Pierce has certainly looked great the last couple of games.

It became pretty apparent last night that the Atlanta Hawks are definitely for real this season. They were playing defense, finding the open man and hitting shots. The only things they could have done better in that game were 1) rebounding (they need some help here) and 2) getting in the paint. Granted the lack of penetration certainly didn’t stop them from putting up points, but I’m sure if they forced the issue a little more they would have gotten to the line and that might have made the difference last night.

But what the hell is with the slow starts?

The Celtics have been outscored in the first quarter 7 of their 9 games this season.

It just seems like they don’t get committed to playing defense until they’re losing by 10…And even though they’ve been successful so far, it has taken two incredible nights by Pierce to get them out of the hole.

They can’t keep doing it.

Also, Leon Powe is clearly one of the most valuable bench players in the NBA this season so far. The guy is averaging 8 points per game, he rebounds and he draws fouls like you wouldn’t believe.

One of my favorite things about Leon is that he also always knows his place. He doesn’t force shitty mid-range jumpers. He knows it is his job to get in the paint, knock people around and fight like hell for rebounds.

Who doesn’t love Leon?

By the way, this schedule is absolutely brutal. 6 back to backs in November. 5 games this week. Only 13 off days in 30 days. At this pace, the Playoffs will seem like a vacation.

Phillies Win The World Series. Greg Oden Needs A Hug. Halloween (Part II). How To Make a Kid Feel Like They Have Been Punched In The Stomach Without Actually Hitting Them.

This is not at all what I predicted (even though I was remarkably close in my predictions of final records for many teams midway through the season).

But I was rooting for the Phillies, inasmuchas when I watched the SportsCenter highlights before work, I was happy that they had won the games I didn’t bother to watch.

Nice job Phillies. Way to beat the fanless, cowbell swinging, Devil Rays.

But you know, the Rays success that happened immediately after they removed part of their team name has to give some other teams something to think about…

If I owned the Pirates, next year they would play as the “Irates”. I gaurantee this would AT LEAST get them a World Series birth.

Maybe the Detroit Lions should just take “Detroit” out of their name…

Nice job Phillies. Enjoy it while it lasts, because the Sixers are going to be a giant pile of suck this year (OK, myabe not a giant pile of suck, but disappointing) and the Eagles? I just never know what to make of them…They’re sort of like Godspeed You Black Emperor!, sometimes you think they’re awesome but sometimes you just think they’re a bunch of losers with a lot of talent too preoccupied with trying to be cool to actually do anything worthwhile.

As hard as it is to believe that Philly won any type of sports Championship, it is far more difficult to believe how fragile Greg Oden appears to be so far.

The guy misses his rookie season with micro-fracture surgery. In his debut, he sprains his ankle/foot. Out for a month. Fucking Amazing.

This is what happens when you bring in Abraham Lincoln’s grandfather to play for your team. Sure, he’s tall and has a killer beard…but the guy is made of twigs and tacky glue.

I am probably as disappointed about Greg Oden’s injury as I am about the fact that the ending of the movie version the “The Watchmen” supposedly will not contain a giant squid like demon. Nor will it contain as much animated nudity.

Thinking about how good the Blazers should probably end up being makes me consider a question:

If you could completely restart your NBA team and you got to select 2 players knowing you could afford the two alone but the deal was that one had to be not currently in the NBA, one had to be a rookie or sophomore  and the rest of your team would be role players and scrubs who would be selected at random, who would you add for your two guys?

I’d take Ricky Rubio at PG. The kid just turned 18 and even though (obviously) he hasn’t played int he NBA, he certainly seemed to have no problem holding his own against a team of NBA All Stars at the Olympics…

Plus he’s soooo cute!

I’d probably take Kevin Durant at the other guard. He sometimes misses a lot of shots and is still learning but I don’t know how I could take Greg Oden’s 214 year old body over a young and electrifying Durant.

Can you even imagine Durant and Rubio playing together? It would be like that album Jimi Hendrix and Miles Davis were supposed to make together. Which never happened. Which is why i feel like Durant is destined to play on shitty teams for most of his career.

And speaking of insane Halloween is tomorrow.

As I said last week, I kind of hate Halloween. It just always seems like a bad idea. And you know what’s crazy about it? Is how many grown adults take their kids to haunted hayrides and haunted houses and things like that.

I remember when I was eight or nine my parents took me on a haunted hayride and I had nightmares for weeks. Like I literally couldn’t sleep until after Thanksgiving.

If you aren’t familiar with what a haunted hayride entails here it is:

Don’t have a house to build a haunted house in you say? But you have 20 acres of farm land you’re doing nothing with? You want to employ college and high school kids for minimum wage and KNOW that they’ll work hard because their job will be to scare the shit out of middle aged couples and little kids? Have a few flatbed trucks you can cover with wooden planks and throw hay on top of?

Well you’re in luck! You’ve got a haunted hayride!

I don’t know where these things started, but basically they are just a series of scary exhibits that you drive to and stop and watch and then drive away. Sometimes they involve serial killers from movies. Sometimes they are funny (if you’re an adult) and sometimes they are just confusing.

Example:

(the set is a barber’s shop. A guy walks in and sits down in the barber’s chair)

Barber: Hello friend.

Guy: Hey. Just take a little off the top.

Barber: Oh a little off the top huh?

Guy: Yeah a little off the top!

Barber: I’ll take a little off the top! HAHAHAHA!

(barber stabs guy through the back of the head with giant scissors)

Barber: YOU ALL LOOK LIKE YOU NEED HAIRCUTS!

(Runs towards Haycart swinging the scissors wildly, getting fake blood on everyone, the truck drives away).

(SCENE)

Now, 23 year old York is fine with this display of gruesome hilarity.

But 8 year old York never wanted to go to a barber again.

There were also scenes of people being tortured and screaming. There was a scene of kids being murdered by their parents. One of a guy having his legs broken ala “Misery”. When all was said and done, it was maybe the most traumatic night of my life to that point (thankfully I would experience much worse REAL things {not involving physical torture} as I got older).

But my point is, don’t take your nine year old kid to that shit.

Sure, I guess I’m not scared by horror movies anymore. That’s great. But I’m pretty sure I would have had a far better childhood (or at least November 1994) if none of that ever happened (among other things not related to Halloween).

Anyway:

Top 5 Greatest Unintentional Halloween Movies Of All Time (in no real order):

1.  ”As Good As It Gets”- Helen Hunt won an Oscar for this piece of shit? Now that is SCARY. Helen Hunt is probably the worst actress of all time. She can’t act. Why do you think her average ass hasn’t been in ANYTHING since “Twister” (which by the way, features the most underrated Goo Goo Dolls song of all time “Long Way Down” which my first band covered when I was in 9th grade. What a great song to cover if you are in 9th grade and only one person in your band is halfway decent at playing an instrument and that instrument is bass).
2. “Dan In Real Life” – What scares me about that movie is the fact that anyone could possibly consider anythingabout this festering pile of dog shit even quasi-realistic. It is seriously one terrible cliche after another. I have never actually walked out of a movie in the theater in my life. This might be partly due to the fact that movies are so goddamn expensive these days and the fact that I would never have anything important enough to do that could warrant leaving a movie at night. What would I do if I walked out? Go to a Wendy’s? Listen to NPR? Watch PBS? Yeah. Exactly. Anyway, this would have been the first. Because it was so cringe inducing that I felt uncomfortable watching it. Like i felt embarrassed to be in the theater and I felt embarrassed for Steve Carrell (who is a great guy by all accounts). But because my girlfriend picked it, I couldn’t just walk out and be like ’see you at home lady!’. So I tried to enjoy hating it. And even that wasn’t fun. Fucking Dane Cook. At least his daughter’s were slammin’.
3. “9 1/2 Weeks”- You know what will give you nightmares? Seeing Mickey Rourke in softcore porn. Stay far away.
4. “Daredevil” – I have never seen any other superhero movie that made me actively root againstthe superhero. “Oh man I hope Michael Clark Duncan breaks his neck int his scene!” and “I really hope Colin Farrel throws an ultimate Frisbee so hard it rips Ben Affelck’s head off!” Also, why does Colin Farrell get work? He may be a fine actor in reality, but being that I can only remember him being in “Daredevil”, “Miami Vice” and that movie about him beign stuck in a phone booth (absolutely fucking riveting!…except not…at all) he seems like a giant pile of shit to me.
5. “Howard The Duck”- Does a young and foxy Leah Thompson walking around in her underwear attempting to seduce a 3 foot tall human-like duck scare you? George Lucas’ crowning achievement. You know how some movies forever become associated with the city they take place in? Like for example, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” is as Chicago as deep dish pizza and Ozzie Guillen?  Well, “Howard The Duck” will always make me think of Cleveland. And Cleveland, will always remind me of “Howard The Duck”.

Top 5 Events That Will Make Your 5-10 year old Son or Daughter Feel Like They Have Been Punched In The Stomach:

1. Finding out Santa Claus/The Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy don’t actually exist- Yesterday I was talking to one of my colleagues about how much I don’t care for Halloween and he responded by saying “I also hate any occasion on which you lie to your children for your own amusement”. I assumed he was talking about Easter and Christmas, so I responded by saying “I’m pretty sure the only reason why you now have to make your kids believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny is so that they don’t spoil it for everyone they go to school with. Because even if you were honest with a seven year old and told them that Santa was a lie but not to tell anyone, the first fucking thing they would do in school the next day is say ‘my Dad TOLD ME SANTA IS A LIE! HE TOLD ME SO!’. Bastard kids I don’t have yet…” and I honestly think this is true. As much as I would rather say to my kids “On Christmas, mom and dad spend way too much money on buying you all the thing syou want because we love you and because the economy DEMANDS we do” instead of lying to them, I know I cannot. Remember when you found out that Santa Claus was fake? I remember because I was probably 6 or 7 and my bastard sister told me. And it felt like someone punched me in the stomach. She was all “Think about it stupid. How could Santa Claus be real?” and I was like “Well…the Easter Bunny is real though, right?” and she was like “YOU’RE SO DUMB! HAHAHAHA!”. The knife was twisted. But you know what the worst part about it was? I believed her (because frankly, she was my older sister and she could get me to wear dresses if she wanted to) and I felt guilty about knowing and like I would be letting my parents down if they knew I knew they were faking it. Think about how absurd thatis. So I pretended up until like 5th or 6th grade that I thought Santa was real. Every holiday it felt like I was living a lie. Fucking terrible.
2. Watching “The Good Son”- Remember “The Good Son” with Macaulay Culkin? I remember being so excited when it came out. I was obsessed with kids being important or something at that time in my life (I’m not sure where this idea of ‘nobody respects kids’ came from…maybe it was because I watched too much Nick News W-5 with Linda Ellerbee and somehow that gave me the impression that a)everyone thought kids were stupid and should be dead and/or b)made me depressed at an early age) and I remember Macaulay Culkin was finally taking a serious role to prove that kids COULD in fact be important to society. That movie dealt with real issues, issues all kids face. Like smoking and how to drown your baby brother. I remember watching that and not only feeling like the world was a terrible place, but also feeling like kids all were stupid and probably should be dead. Thanks for ruining my life Macaulay! But in all seriousness, every kid has a movie they see at an early age that makes them regret ever enjoying cinema. For some kids it was “Bambi”. For some it was “My Girl”. I can’t wait until some 10 year olds see “Hounddog” and wonder why the World would be so cruel to Dakota Fanning. Major punch in the stomach.
3. Watching An A & E Documentary About Inner City Life- I recall watching something about young kids and gangs and drug dealing in Baltimore and Detroit. I was probably 8 at the time. The kids int he documentary all had their faces blurred out, but they were like 9-14 and all carried guns and talked about all the people they killed and drugs they sold. That was pretty much when I decided that the world was a horrible place for sure. I tried to rationalize that “The Good Son” was just a bad movie and incredibly unrealistic (who raises kids at a house near a giant cliff???). But this documentary made me long for the days where I was worried someone in my 3rd grade class might be a closet serial killer.
4. Moving From one State To Another- This one is something that isn’t always controllable, but really makes your kid wonder if you are just being as difficult as possible because you hate them or because you are a self-centered jerk.
5. Getting a Divorce – The easy but still effective punch in the stomach for any kid. Next time use birth control! ZING! (I joke…all though, I’m sure fewer divorces would result in fewer Psychology majors…)

It seems shitty that the season already started and I didn’t get to do my big NBA preview. So now that I’ve seen most teams play a game (or 2) I have an unprecedented edge in all of my predictions. Here we go:

The New York Knicks will NOT be the worst team in the NBA. In fact, because Mike D’Antoni will do everything in his power to NOT be horrible, I predict they win 33 games this season. Yes. 33 wins. They will be sneaky some nights. They won’t use Marbury all that much. It will be a fun group. Sort of. They might even be fiesty enough to try to slide into the Playoffs (they are probably 1-3 years away from being a playoff team). The New York Knicks will be 33-49.

The Cleveland Cavs will be pretty damn good with Mo Williams (lack of a bench notwithstanding). I expect they will have a 54-28 season.

The Toronto Raptors will be sort of like the Detroit Tigers were this season. Except, they didn’t ALSO get a young all star along with a washed up Dontrelle Willis. Jermaine O’Neal will be OK, but he won’t be the savior. 45-37.

The Detroit Pistons will finish 54-28.

The Celtics will finish 60-22.

The Wizards will finish 41-41.

The 76ers will finish 47-35.

The Magic will finish 52-30.

The Miami Heat will be a lot better this season. I love the Dwayne Wade ad campaign already. He should be incredible this season. Like that time he was essentially the ghost of Michael Jordan against the Mavericks in the NBA Finals for a couple of games. Michael Beasley won’t hurt either. I know the supporting cast is grim and Shawn Marion might have been the most overrated player of the last half decade…but maybe not. 44-38

The Lakers will win 69 games this season. Yes, that is absurd. I agree. But they are going to angry, big, and bitter. Expect blood on the court.

I like the Grizzlies to win 33 games in the West. They will sort of be like the Knicks of the West, but with more upside (youth and not as much wasted cash on the books).

The Trailblazers should (could) have won 50 games this season. With Old Man Oden out a month I will drop them down to 44 wins.

The worst teams by far will be the New Jersey Nets, Oklahoma City Thunder, Golden State Warriors and Milwaukee Bucks. I don’t think there will be as many pitiful teams this seaosn as there were last year…

The Chicago Bulls could be a surprise playoff team. They were everyone’s sleeper pick for 2007-08 for some reason…But it would make sense for them to be good this year in the same way it sort of made sense for the Devil Rays to be good overnight. When you get one of the highest draft picks year after year after year it only makes sense that you should eventually have a stockpile of good young players and/or trade bait galore. Even if their success does happen seemingly overnight.

The Spurs will finish 51-31.

The Hornets will finish 58-24.

The Clippers will finish a fun 39-43.

The Mavericks will finish 53-29.

The Suns will finish 46-36. I know this might seem low. But they are old. And not the same team anymore. At all.

The Nuggets will finish 31-51 and without either Allen Iverson or  Carmello Anthony or both.

Playoff predictions later in the season.

And now, a segment we call “Bet On it” where York Robrts gives readers 13 things to bet on this week because all of the readers of Chair are compulsive gamblers, simply arrived here looking for porn or both.

• The Chicago Bears will win the NFC North. For no good reason. Bet $1000 on it.
• Mickey Rourke will win the Oscar for Best Actor for “The Wrestler”. Bet $100 on it.
• Zac Efron will be this generation’s Michael J. Fox, somehow. Bet $13 on it.
• Marques Colston will finish the NFL regular season with 38 catches. On the dot. Bet $25 on it.
• Braylon Edwards doesn’t actually drink 5 Hour Energy. Bet $17 on it.
• Rickey Henderson will be a first ballot Hall Of Famer. Bet $50,000 on it.
• John Rocker will one day visit Cooperstown. Bet $9 on it.
• “Life On Mars” will last 39 episodes or less. Bet $270 on it.
• Pogs will be cool again by 2039. Bet $7 on it.
• Penn State will win the BCS National Championship. Bet $312 on it.
• Leon Powe will make the NBA All Star Team. Bet $1.73 on it.
• Derrick Rose will win rookie of the year. Bet $42 on it.

To Love And Feel No Love (To Be A Fan).

It’s a funny thing being a sports fan. 

Every time I try to quantify it or measure why it matters or why I care, I really have a hard time putting it into words.

What does your local team winning a championship mean really, at the end of the day?

When I was a kid I thought that it always meant that the team that won was the best city in the country somehow. That in some way, when the Blue Jays won the World Series back to back when I was young, Toronto was actually a better city than anywhere in America. 

From the outside, I had a lot of envy for the successful cities. 

I hated Dallas. I hated the Cowboys because of how great they were, but more-so because of how arrogant they seemed (and their fans seemed). 

Dallas winning Superbowl after Superbowl only served to further the notion that where I was living was one of the worst places in the country. The Patriots were horrible at best, the Red Sox were one year of futility after another, the Bruins were always good but could never get it done and the Celtics just always seemed like a team that’s glory days were over when I was just a baby. 

“You should have seen them when Larry was playing.” my Dad would always say. 

To put it into perspective, the day Larry Bird announced his retirement, my family was on vacation at a log cabin in New Hampshire. I had wandered into the woods and my Mom was ready to kill me when I came back an hour or so later. Because I was like 7 or 8. When I came back inside, my Dad was listening to the radio. He told me Larry Bird was retired. I had no idea what that really meant. 

I know it might seem like an odd time to reflect on this. The Boston Red Sox are in the ALCS. The Patriots rebounded big against the 49ers. The Bruins might even be strong this season. And the Celtics are coming off their first Championship in two decades.

For me, this is like living a dream.

But a lot of things happen when your city starts winning championships.

It is way harder to get tickets, for starters.

Even if you can still get tickets, the prices go way up. 

Everyone in all of those other cities starts hating your teams. Some of them (the ones who still haven’t figured out as I did as a kid, that winning a championship does not make your city more important or better somehow) hate your city.

But the worst, by far, is that something that was once so personally your own becomes a commodity for everyone.

It is sort of like when your favorite band that you have been following and listening to for 5 years all of the sudden has a crossover hit on the radio. They aren’t yours anymore. They aren’t some secret that only you know about.

Secrets aside, something you spent so much time invested in and so much time thinking about and talking about (and writing about) is instantly accessible by everyone. They don’t have to work to find the band. They don’t get to see them grow gradually. They weren’t there when they were playing to 15 people at TT The Bears or The Met Cafe. 

But now, because they are so clearly not your own anymore, you can’t even see them without going to some arena (where you pay 18 times as much to see something that was yours before that hit single).

Some people get bitter.

I’ve cared about sports my whole life.

Even when I was 16-18 and thought I wasn’t allowed to care about sports and music at the same time (for some reason…) I couldn’t resist watching the Red Sox or Patriots or Celtics. I actively tried not to care that much. But I couldn’t just stop being myself. 

The question is, why do we care?

In Boston right now, there’s nothing unique about being a sports fan. Everyone is a Boston sports fan. Even people who wouldn’t have been caught dead watching a Red Sox game 6 years ago. But I don’t watch sports to be unique.

Being a sports fan is expensive. You are constantly spending money to go to games, for cable (I really probably would not have cable if not for the Celtics, Red Sox, Patriots, Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, HGTV, Food Network, Bruins and ESPN [in that order]) to buy merchandise…etc. 

Buying tickets is never a problem to me. I go to games with my girlfriend or sister or best friends. Really, it isn’t that much more expensive than going to a movie or going out to dinner ($10 Celtics tickets are cheaper in both cases, and also way more fun). 

Cable is nice.

And the merchandise trap is something I generally avoid. Or anyway did a great job avoiding until the 2007-2008 Celtics season.

There was something about that team that changed me as a fan. It wasn’t that they were winning. I’ve experienced a lot of winning teams over the last 8 years. It was something else. 

Maybe it was redemption. Maybe it was that (unlike the Red Sox) I could remember the exact day everything changed for the Celtics. I could remember where I was and what I was doing and all of the nightmares that followed (Reggie Lewis’ death, years of futility, Rick Pitino, Antoine Walker). 

Something about seeing my team. A team that I was raised on. A team I was brought up to love, finally get better or at least have a serious chance, made me feel different.

When I bought a Rondo shirt at the first game I went to in 2007, I felt great about it. I would wear it on game days and it made me feel happy. Just wearing a stupid shirt. I bought more Celtics shirts as I went to more games and I always wore one on a game day all season long. I’m not exaggerating. Just wearing the Celtics colors made me happier. Listening to “Roc Boys” or “Ayo Technology” (two songs the Celtics played during warm-ups at the Garden all season) in the gym gave me more energy and made me run faster and work harder. Knowing I had the pleasure to watch them (on TV or in person) helped me get through even the toughest winter days. 

I tried to explain it in my season ending column after the parade in June. I don’t know if I did.

I love the Celtics. I love this core of players. I love the way they play. I love the way they act together. I love that I am living through some new “good old days” because there was a while, most of my life, that I never thought I would. 

But for all of the love I have for the Boston Celtics, they don’t even know I exist. I don’t say that to be dramatic. It is just a simple fact. I am just a credit card number on some gate receipts to them. 

That is all that fans are to their teams really.

We watch, we buy, we digest, we discuss and we get nothing tangible in return.

It is the most beautiful and horrible unrequited love there is.

How can you love something that doesn’t love you back?

Maybe this is a question better suited for a priest, a rabbi and a philosophy professor but I think I get it now.

Maybe they don’t know who I am, but when I think about them, it can make me feel happier. I can think about some great moments and smile. If I’m having a terrible day at work, I can look at the calendar and say ‘at least the Celtics are on tonight’. They are always there. They were a part of my Grandfather’s life and are a part of my Father’s life and will be a part of my kid’s lives one day as well. They inform the way we meet and interact with the people around us. They link us to complete strangers. They give us something to talk about when there is nothing to talk about.

Being a fan means that you believe in something. Something that can lift you up and something that can crush you. But just like anything else, there is always another chance, another opportunity in the future.

The simplest way to explain why I love sports is that it always gives me something to look forward to.

Like most people, I think I want to believe in something. And believing in the Celtics means a lot. 

Tonight was their first pre-season game. Towards the end of the first half rookie Bill Walker got an alley oop dunk that was outstanding. two possessions later, he followed it by dunking in traffic. On the bench, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo and everyone else went crazy as if it were a playoff game.

It gives me hope. Some people get to do what they love for a living and sometimes we’re lucky enough to watch them or see them or listen to them or hear about them.

Maybe you think I’m just a crazy obsessive fan or that I’m oversimplifying something that is very complex or that I’m making something that is very simple out to be this big important thing…the thing about believing and loving anything is that it is personal. No matter who else loves it or who else has loved it, the way you feel about it and the way it affects and informs you is uniquely your own. 

One of my co-workers told me she was moving to the North End a couple months back and I told her “I wish I lived in the North End. I’d be closer to the Celtics there.” This was probably in August, so she gave me a puzzled look and laughed a little.

For whatever reason it makes me happier that this team exists. They won’t be this great forever but that is like everything else in life. I will enjoy this and never take it for granted for a second. 

It doesn’t matter that they don’t know me or that we don’t have a direct relationship or communication.

I believe in them. I appreciate everything they do. And as a result, even when they lose and I’m disappointed, it is a passing feeling. Because there is always another opportunity in the future. And sometimes just knowing that is enough to carry you through the hard times.

Hank Baskett Is Dating Kendra Wilkinson? Willie Parker Is Hurt. Derek Lowe Sells His ‘House’. Stephon Marbury Only 5 Days Away From The Celtics!

Kendra Wilkinson (Girls Next Door) is rumored to be dating Hank Baskett.

I wonder if Hugh Hefner cares?

It must be sort of a conflict of interest to her. What with her being a huge Chargers fan and all (above).

Her mother was an Eagles cheerleader. Those were back in the days before attractive and rich people were famous for no reason at all.

But I have all the respect in the world for Hank Baskett. Any guy who can tolerate that laugh for more than 10 minutes has far more patience than me.

Willie Parker has a sprained left knee.

That totally kills my already dead, 0-3 fantasy team.

Parker has been a fierce running back all three seasons he has started with the Steelers. He’s averaged around 1300 yards per season the 3 years he’s started. The guy is still young and should still be in great shape.

Hopefully he’ll bounce back. And quick.

Derek Lowe has put his beast of a house on sale. It is in Manhattan Beach, California. I think it would make a nice spot for the Chair – A Place To Sit headquarters.

Any investors want to loan us $5.7 million?

Stephon Marbury will be released by the Knicks this week.

He has previously expressed interest in coming to the Celtics. That would be horrible. In a lot of ways. Can you imagine if the Celtics, fresh off winning a Championship for the first time in two decades, went out and signed Darius Miles and Stephon Marbury in the same off-season? They would onlybe a Vince Carter trade away from being the most poorly managed basketball team of all time (notice I used ‘basketball’ in that statement. Matt Millen would fair far better adding volatile superstars of seasons past).

I don’t normally link to Deadspin, because frankly, they don’t need my help (unlike ESPN, whom I keep afloat day by day) but in case you missed it, they had probably one of the most absurd articles about anyone ever (maybe short of Carl Everett’s ‘Dinosaurs ain’t real’ interview) a few weeks back starring Starbury.

That shit is factorial!

JR Giddens Signs With The Celtics

JR Giddens has officially signed with the Celtics.

He will play backup SG. Danny Ainge thinks Giddens is ready to go. He thinks that as long as Giddens takes care of himself and works hard he will be a go to guy off the bench.

I certainly hope so.

Giddens played with passion at New Mexico and I think KG might just be able to bring the freak out of him. The guy is a monster. And the Celtics need him to do all of the intangibles that Posey could do last season. He needs to shove people around, get in their faces, piss them off, play killer D and drain clutch shots without getting rattled.

That’s a lot to ask from a rookie.

But I think if Giddens can do even 1/3 of the things Posey did he will be a great addition and have a great season and hopefully continue to grow.

I love the younger guys on this Celtics team. Outstanding youth.

I hope I can add Giddens to that.

Brett Favre Starts “Competing” For QB Job With The Packers

What’s more offensive to you, annoying old quarterbacks that can’t make up their minds or stupid organizations that think you’re a moron?

Brett Favre will be “competing” with Aaron Rodgers for the starting quarterback job in Green Bay.

That is roughly the equivalent to me competing with Rajon Rondo for the starting point guard job for the Boston Celtics.

“Roberts isn’t that good…plus we won a title with Rondo…and Rondo is faster…he makes better plays…he can set a screen and a pick and roll…he had better hands…ummm…I’m just come out and say it, Rondo is ALL AROUND BETTER AT EVERYTHING…Let the competition begin.”

It’s a shame too because I am absolutely LETHAL beyond the arc…

See how stupid this bullshit is?

This is why I try my hardest not to cover it.

The whole thing makes me hate Brett Favre and hope that when he gets the starting job, he throws like 14 TDs and 27 INTs and is forced to retire again.

Bill Simmons had a great line on his podcast last week he said something to the effect of “I was watching ‘There’s Something About Mary’ the other night and you know when Brett Favre shows up at the end? I sort of expected him to waffle on and on about whether or not he REALLY likes Mary.”

Ron Artest Shipped To Houston. Rockets Add Offense, Defense and Insanity.

HAVE THE BALLS TO REMOVE SOME BALLS! YOU BASTARDS!!!

My buddy Blade sent me a text message last night around 1:00 a.m.: “Artest to Houston. Shit is so random.”

At that point I had already tagged out for the night. But this morning I was surprised when I checked all 79 of my messages and emails (I am VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT, afterall).

I didn’t figure Artest would go to Houston. Did you? Probably not.

I thought of the teams that had expressed interest in him (or were rumored to have done so) and they all made sense. The Lakers could use his defense, toughness, the Pistons (it seems) are likely to get rid of Rasheed so I thought it might make sense to add another big defensive guy (in spite of the melee at Auburn Hills, that is). But the Rockets? I hadn’t even thought about it to be honest.

And in a way it does make sense. Artest can score. He can play defense (on what is already a great defensive team) and Houston sort of already had 2 big ticket players, NBA cap rules and competition make it so that teams can have 3.

Featuring his hit single "Don't throw shit at me or I will FUCK YOU UP"

Artest can add another level of defense and get some baskets. And this Houston Rockets team is no joke (even if they do CONSTANTLY have injury problems).

Keep in mind this team was a runaway train last season when they won 20 however many games in a row (in the Western Conference mind you) until they matched up against the Champs (who pounded them en route to completing the coveted Texas Triangle. God do I love the 07-08 Celtics…just thinking about a long road trip makes me want to jump up and down).

Unlike some (mostly in the Houston area), I don’t think this move instantly makes the Rockets THE team to beat in the West. However, an already great defensive team adding ANOTHER really good defender and scorer will certainly help to re-distribute the weight on the team. If Yao and TMac and Artest all play 65 games next season, I do think Houston *should* be one of the top 4 seeds in the West (The Lakers and Hornets and Jazz rounding it out. The Spurs are getting old. The Mavs are uncertain as are the Suns. The Warriors are probably out of the picture. The Clippers might be in contention? The Nuggets clearly want nothing to do with winning. So who knows).

I like this move by the Rockets. Clearly they are trying to go for it this year. There were rumblings about TMac maybe being moved and the Rockets selling already. It wouldn’t make sense to do that though. This is a team with some fight left. But if this new version doesn’t get them to the Finals soon they will NEED to blow it up.

Clemens. Starbury. Boobie Gibson. Gang Signs. Celtics Bench. And 101 Other Things I Can Complain About.

Roger Clemens is an idiot.

Kirk Radmonski is a loser (PS, I have never met a Kirk I trusted. Be it Kirk Radmonski or Kirk Cameron…None of them can babysit my kids).

Apparently Radmonski not only uses invoices for his illegal drug enterprises, but he files them accordingly, under his TV.Also, when the FBI searched his house they couldn’t find that shit. but they turned up now. Uhhh….Ok.

Radmonski is a tool. Clemens is an arrogant piece of shit. I hate everything.

Stephon Marbury might be headed out of New York. Or at least that’s the speculation right now. If Starbury somehow ends up on the Celtics, he better be playing for a $20 pair of Starbury’s every night because I swear if Danny Ainge pays him $25 million for 4 years (or anything remotely close to it) I will go to every Celtics game just to boo Danny Ainge.

What the hell are the Celtics doing? Darius Miles? Stephon Marbury? Is Kenny Anderson available? Vin Baker? Seriously…?

And the lack of SG/SF on the bench is horrific. JR Giddens better be tough and great because they are essentially asking him to carry that role right now. I’m sure they’ll get SOMEONE else…but right now, that is a big big big hole. What happens if Pierce or Ray gets hurt? What are they gonna do, go big and throw out a starting lineup of Garnett, Ray, Leon Powe, Perk and Rondo? What if BOTH Ray and Pierce are hurt at any point? You got this lineup: KG, Powe, Perk, Rondo, Big Baby. YIKES. Not that I don’t love the C’s bench…but…

Has anyone else noticed that they only seem to be looking into Centers and Power Forwards? What the shit is that?

Boobie Gibson is going back to Cleveland…where he alone is again expected to carry the Cavs with LeBron. Right. If I were a Cavs fan I would be furious. They just don’t seem to be trying to get better EVER. Shake things up. You have one of the best players in the NBA. Make some moves. Get him some pieces. Get him a coach. Idiots.

In the moronic department, the NFL has decided to pay some jackass to pick up on players using gang signs in their celebrations. Fucking dumb.

This was brought on by the Paul Pierce thing. Dumb dumb dumb. Maybe the NFL should not allow gang members in the league or in the locker rooms. Maybe that should be a greater concern…or a primary concern anyway. Maybe the NFL should make an effort to not allow players to use HGH. This is so stupid I’m going to puke in the gutter outside my office.

Really, the Celtics chances of repeating just went down about 10% at least. Without Posey, they lose a great defender and shooter. They don’t have ANYONE experienced on the bench who can do the things Posey did. JR Giddens now has the world on his shoulders. I’ve heard he is really tough…but I don’t think he’s Posey tough. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. The Celtics really could have used Corey Maggette. Now that they have a little space, I hope they make Eddie House a serious type of offer and sign a swing man. Eddie House was a nice shooter off the bench as well. Horrible. What kind of shooters do they have on the bench now? Is Leon Powe gonna hit any 3’s? What about Pruitt? What about Big Baby? Scal? Is Scal going to be a lights out long range shooter off the bench? No? Ok. Cool.