Bengals Deactivate Chad Ocho Cinco (Johnson) For Tonight’s Game Against Pittsburgh Steelers.

The Bengals won’t have Chad Johnson when they take on the Steelers tonight.

Call your bookie. There’s no way the Bengals will beat the Steelers now!

I don’t have the slightest idea why Chad Johnson’s career has hit the shitter as quickly or as hard as it has. During the off-season he admitted he hates playing for the Orange and Black, he probably thinks Marvin Lewis is stupid, he isn’t down with wasting the best years of his life stuck in futility and he probably thinks Skyline serves nothing but disgusting brown sauce masquerading as chili.

Even with all of those issues, I still assumed that when he played this season, he’d still be the same old 80-100 catches, 1,000+ yards 7 or 8 TDS receiver he’s always been.

Not so.

Chad Johnson is falling fast and because his numbers have dipped so dramatically (his TD and yardage numbers) and so inexplicably, it seems like all he is doing is driving down his value.

Maybe this season is a ploy by him to make it so the Bengals have to trade him.

But Johnson is no Stephon Marbury. I don’t think he’s a locker room pariah. I’ve never been in the Bengals locker room, but I’ve been told by a reliable source that Johnson is one of the more friendly faces of the organization and routinely chats it up with trainers and interns and the like (male interns. I said he is NOT like Stephon Marbury).

I sympathize with his plight. I wouldn’t want to play for the Bengals.

Playing for the Bengals right now would be sort of like working in marketing for Linens & Things. Clearly that store has seen better days, they’re laying people off left and right and just letting people walk out on them, cutting costs, closing stores but because you are a young hot shot in marketing, they decide that they need you around. To continue to work your ass off. Even though the company’s best-case scenario is being bought out and not going bankrupt outright.

Maybe it’s not like that exactly…

But it’s close.

The Bengals have not disclosed what rule Ocho Cinco broke or why he was deactivated.

But in an awesome twist of fate, Chris Henry is starting in his place. Parents of high school kids in Allegheny County should be on Red Alert.

Andy Reid Defends His Players’ Confusion About The Rules Of NFL Games. Players Do Not Defend Reid’s Confusion About How To Manage A Clock.

Donovan McNabb didn’t know an NFL game could end in a tie.

All though he should have known that, I don’t think it had any effect on the game. Clearly the Bengals and Eagles are both teams built around the idea of futility.

But Andy Reid is a moron.

That guy still doesn’t seem to understand how challenges work, he still uses timeouts incorrectly (and doesn’t use them when he should) and frankly, if a guy can’t keep his sons from being giant douchebags, he probably can’t keep a group of meatheads from being douchebags (it’s just their nature!).

Here are nine things I learned about Andy Reid while covering the team this season:

1. Andy Reid only eats marsupial and he will only eat it deep fried or in calzone form.
2. Andy loves Wii Fit. He doesn’t play it. But he loves the idea of it.
3. Andy Reid’s five year plan includes an appearance on “Dancing With The Stars”.
4. Hockey is Andy Reid’s favorite sport. Followed by fencing, rowing, bowling and badminton. Football is his 11th favorite sport.
5. Andy Reid finds Chris Berman’s ‘analysis’ to be humorous and insightful.
6. “Who’s The Boss?” is his favorite TV show.
7. Andy Reid has an Amry canteen full of Schlitz with him at all times.
8. One day when i asked him who his favorite superhero was he said “Superman-No, X-Man-no…umm….Terminator!”
9. Andy Reid constantly pluralizes the names of his players accidentally. He’ll yell things like “Samuels! Get back here!” (to Asante Samuel) or “Jacksons, take a lap!” (to DeSean Jackson).

So much for my prediction that Donovan McNabb was going to be back to his old form or that the Eagles defensive additions could help carry them this year. The Eagles are a giant pile of horseshit in the toughest division in football. They are the same team as the Buffalo Bills, lots of potential, no delivery.

Fire Andy Reid immediately if not sooner…thanks.

Novice Fantasy Football: Week 8, Oh Boy!

by. Enigma

Yes, it’s me, Enigma. And i am proud to say that i survived week 8.

That’s right… i survived even without my boy, Steven Jackson.

I was very fortunate this week, i will admit. I was fortunate that DeAngelo Williams had a pretty fantastic game. LenDale White had a pretty awesome game last night, too, but i had already won at that point.

I must say, though, that i am quite pleased with LenDale White as of late. I’m glad he’s back playing good fucking football again. I’m very glad i hung on to him (which is more than i can say for Willis McGahee, whom i dropped, like, week 4 and whom was picked up by… yes you guessed it… York Fucking Roberts).

I was a little distraught, however, that i didn’t play Matt Jones this week.

I guess i didn’t do enough research, because i thought his suspension was in effect. In case you didn’t hear, like me, it wasn’t yet. And he had a super awesome game. Not that it mattered, but now i am pretty sure that he will be sitting the next 3 weeks. And that really hurts considering the Jaguars will be playing Atlanta AND Detroit.  But who knows, maybe his appeals will go through and he’ll get to keep playing. I hope. I pray. Either way, i am definitely hanging on to him.

Speaking of the Jacksonville Jaguars, i picked them up for my defense this week, after consulting a smorgasboard of internet FF resources. However, they only got me 1 point. And once again, the projections for week 9 are in and Jacksonville is heavily favored (in the top 8 across the board) to be successful against the Cincinnati Bengals. But i also have the Bills’ defense. Thus my dilemma is which to play this week.

Finally, my lovely, handsome, totally fucking fantastic quarterback, Phillip Rivers, is on BYE this week. Leaving me with the quest of which QB to pick up off the waiver wire.

I grabbed Matt Cassel, but soon ditched him for JaMarcus Russell. But now it seems like everyone is looking at Marc Bulger (my backup QB during the draft) to be, much like last week, a super-sleeper pick this weekend. So, do i stick with Russell or grab Bulger?

Moreover, if my homeboy Steven Jackson is back this week (which i pray to God he is) then Bulger might not have to throw very much (seeing as how Steven Jackson is godlike in everything he does).

Decisions, decisions…

Fingers crossed, my friends…

Week 1. The Falcons Beat The Lions. The Panthers Beat The Chargers. The Bears Beat The Colts. The Ravens Beat The Bengals. The Bills Beat the Seahawks.

The best thing about the NFL that is completely different than the NBA or MLB is that season to season you really never know what you’re going to see. Teams add new players and expect to be great. Other teams lose players and figure to be horrible. Training camp happens. You hear reports. The Pre-season starts and ends and no matter how good anything looks on paper or how well a team did during all of the above, the day week 1 begins anything can happen.

The Falcons? A giant pile of suck last season. In the shadow of Michael Vick they were a floundering franchise.

Then they almosthad Bill Parcells working to rebuild them. But he went to the Dolphins. It looked like another lost season. There was nothing I heard about in training camp or during the pre-season or in the acquisitions they made that made me think they would win more than 4-6 games in 2008.

And yes, they still might only win 4-6 games.

But Matt Ryan? He was a game manager.

Michael Turner? He was ridiculous.

Jerious Norwood? Finally earned the nickname “Serious Jerious”.

In all honesty, a lot of the hype today is about Turner’s outstanding 22 carries for 220 yards and 2 TDs (yes, he averaged 10 yards per carry). I figured Turner would be pretty solid in Atlanta. I thought he might rush for 1,000 to 1,300 yards and have 8 to 10 TDs. But I also figured that Atlanta really does not have a great offensive line and that the offense might be really one dimensional with a rookie QB.

But even if you play the “Michael Turner is apparently Barry Sanders son” card, how the hell do you explain Jerious Norwood’s 14 carries for 93 yards and 1 TD?

Luck?

The Lions defense being pathetic?

Or do the Falcons just really want not to be ‘the team that Michael Vick left behind’?

It should be interesting to see how this develops. If Matt Ryan continues to not chuck it up into coverage (which he did not do yesterday), they might be a decent offense. Maybe.

Are the Falcons actually that good? Are the Lions really that bad?

Seeing the Seahawks get clobbered wasn’t much of a pleasure, for a few reasons:

1. I still feel for the city that lost the Sonics. The Oklahoma City Thunder? Really?!?! What a joke. Clay Bennett is a scumbag.
2. I named my fantasy football team “The Seattle Admirals” to honor the suffering of sports fans in the great Northwest.
3. I have nothing against the Seahawks really (except that I hate the Steelers and they didn’t beat the Steelers in the Superbowl…but that was mostly refs).

But…The Seahawks? That team looks to be dead in the water to me.

I really do think their offense is questionable at best and their defense is overrated. Good, but overrated.

Seeing Chris Berman say “You’re with me Seahawks” and predicting them to win the Superbowl…well…That was a stupid stupid stupid prediction. I mean, I appreciate that Berman didn’t just say ”Colts” and move on like so many “analysts” do. But what changes did the Seahawks make from 2007 to 2008 that would make you think they are somehow immensely better than last season? I think they will probably be a playoff team (probably) but the way the Bills manhandled them yesterday? Embarrassing.

Trent Edwards was efficient, found holes and took what he was given. Marshawn Lynch was as good as he was in 2007. The defense looked really really solid. If you are a Buffalo Bills fan, there is a lot to look forward to with this group.

Hell, the Jets did not exactly look impenetrable yesterday either and seeing that Tom Brady is out of commission, this season is a very good opportunity for the Bills to win the AFC East. They were the best team playing at a learning curve last season. And it was clear that they looked the best (against by far the best opponent) yesterday of the AFC East Teams.

The Panthers out-toughed the Chargers.

The Bears out-offensed the Colts.

The Bengals look like the only team in the NFL that legitimately might lose all 16 games, all hate each other and be pathetically bad for an entire season. My pre-kickoff suspicions were confirmed yesterday by Carson Palmer’s 99 passing yards and Chris Perry’s 37 rushing yards.

Joe Flacco looked good as well.

It was a strange day.

Granted it was week 1 and everyone is still rusty and figuring out their role for about the first 5 weeks of any NFL season.

But if these trends continue….

Chad Ocho Cinco Is Officially The Most Fun Athlete Ever. Or The Most Insane.

Strap in Cincinnati Bengals fans. It promises to be a long season.

The Bengals lost (and gave up) more players this off season than I did in my (non-keeper) Fantasy league.

They still have defensive holes.

They re-added Chris Henry for some reason.

Marvin Lewis is going to be angry and miserable all year long.

Carson Palmer will be counting down the days until he can leave.

Chris Perry will have his struggles.

But you know what one constant bright side is?

Chad Ocho Cinco.

Anyone who complains about Ocho Cinco like he’s a menace who is out to destroy football is clearly a moron.

Ocho Cinco isn’t getting arrested. He isn’t hanging out with 16 year olds and getting them drunk and having sex with them (coughChrisHenrycough). He isn’t getting into bar fights or not playing because he didn’t get his way. Nope.

Ocho Cinco is a warrior.

He has great hands, he plays hard and he is easily one of the best wide receivers in the NFL.

Oh, and he is fun to watch.

I have a question for all the haters: why do you watch football?

Is it because it is…fun?

Chad Ocho Cinco is FUN! Remember that Christmas Eve game where he wanted to do a touchdown dance where he would ride around the end zone on a reindeer, but then he figured it wouldn’t work, so he got a huge sack of presents and handed them out? Amazing. Fun. Entertaining.

Maybe a little crazy.

But fun.

I hope he’s on the Patriots in 2009…somehow.

Rudi Johnson Signs With The Lions. Tatum Bell Is Unemployed. The Bengals Will win 3 games.

Rudi Johnson was released by the Bengals over the weekend.

I would have wrote about how strange a decision that was had I not spent the entire weekend sleeping on the beach, drinking frozen lemonade and watching No Reservationson the Travel Channel (while at home). I love that Anthony Bourdain.

Instead I talked to several friends about how weird it all seemed.

Wouldn’t some team give the Bengals like a 6th or 7th round pick for Rudi Johnson, at the very least?

Wouldn’t it be worth it for the Bengals to try to get something in return for him?

Take a look at Johnson’s career statistics. The guy was basically a machine in 2004-2006. Each year he had 1300-1460 yards rushing and 12 rushing TDs. 15 to 23 catches. 340ish carries.

Last year Johnson was hurt and not so great. But let’s put something into perspective, the Bengals weren’t exactly providing ANYONE with a world class offensive line or blocking last season. Johnson also only had 170 carries last season. That is half as many carries as his previous seasons. Had he had 340ish carries last season, even in spite of a down year, he still would have broken 1,000 yards rushing and had at least 6 TDs.

And this is someone you just throw away?

Oh…right. The Chris Perry era has begun. That guy has proven himself. Yeah.

Rudi Johnson is now on the Lions where Kevin Smith will probably be the starter. The thing is, Johnson should sure as hell have a chip on his shoulder. And I would not be surprised at all if he ends up carrying the Lions running game.

The Bengals are the laughing stock of the NFL. They have let almost their entire team walk away. The Patriots just snagged Deltha O’Neal to replace Fernando Bryant (who just simply didn’t work out).

Wait until Chad Ocho Cinco (legally), Carson Palmer and TJ Houshmanzadeh walk. Just wait.

Horrible management meets low expectations.

There is no way the Bengals win more than 3 games. Shit, I wouldn’t blame Palmer or Housh for faking serious injuries and just not playing.

People of Cincinnati, rejoice in the knowledge that at least you have the Reds…oh wait…uhh…You have good chili?

2008 NFL Preview: AFC North

Pittsburgh Steelers

There are just some teams you hate.

I hate the Steelers.

The funny thing is, unlike the Cowboys where I never liked Michael Irvin and despised Deion Sanders, I don’t even dislike any of the players on the Steelers. I mean, I guess I dislike Troy Polamalu and his stupid hair. But most of that might just be because I wish he was on the Patriots…

Nope. It was Steelers fans that made me hate the Steelers. Steelers fans that were inexplicably in Rhode Island when I was growing up.

Let me break this down really quick:

When I was a kid almost everyone was a Cowboys “fan” or a 49ers “fan” because those teams were in vogue back then. Kids on a bandwagon, probably because their fathers were bandwagon jumping losers as well. No big deal.

The worst were the Steelers”fans”. These were kids whose fathers were bandwagon jumpers in the 70’s and were too lazy to even jump to another bandwagon after Terry Bradshaw hung it up. In central Rhode Island, we had no geographic proximity to Pittsburgh. Like, I accepted a few New York fans due to the fact that a lot of people’s families were from New York, makes sense at least.

But Pittsburgh?

It’s not like there were 14 families in my elementary school that were Pittsburgh transplants. No. Those people were just lazy assholes with shitty kids.

These were the same clowns who went Tommy Maddox crazy when I was in college.

Anyway, The Steelers have Roethlisberger who is consistent and a solid QB.

They have Hines Ward (who has lost a step but is still good) and Santonio Holmes (who looks like a superstar receiver in the making to me).

Willie Parker is one of the top 10 half backs in the NFL, and the Steelers also drafted Rashard Mendenhall this off season.

And you know what else?

I LIKE Mike Tomlin.  He had some pretty gigantic shoes to fill last season and I think he did a decent job with what he had.

The defensive line doesn’t look all that intimidating. That is one place I feel the Steelers could have made an upgrade or two in the off season, but the Linebackers make up for it as Larry Foote, James Harrison and James Farrior are all great at what they do.

The secondary is still the same. Tough. One of the better groups in the NFL.

The trouble is, in spite of being in a shitty division (Browns aside, they are), The Steelers have one hell of a schedule this season. They have 9 games that could go either way.

They were 10-6 last year. Aside from Polamalu being healthy all season (maybe) and a new rookie running back with an undetermined role at this point, this is largely the same team as in 2007.

My definitive prediction is a 10-6 record for the Steelers in 2008.

Baltimore Ravens

The Ravens have a really good defense still.

A really really good defense.

Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, Samari Rolle. A really great defensive core.

That’s about it.

They are kind of like the east coast Bears at Quarterback right now with Kyle Boller, Troy Smith and Joe Flacco all in the mix.

On the plus side for them, they have much better receivers with Derick Mason, Mark Clayton and the young but promising Demetrius Williams.

Their running game is also solid as Willis McGahee delivers each season (except for those times when he is hurt) and the Ravens added Ray Rice from Rutgers to relieve McGahee.

The issues they will have though, will be similar to the issues the Bears have. Offensive production not holding up its end of the bargain and putting a ton of pressure on a great defense. This would be all right if they had a really easy schedule.

Unfortunately, the Ravens will play 10 games they could easily lose. They also have the distinct honor of playing in Pittsburgh, Indy, Dallas and New York (Giants) this season. Yikes.

Last season the Ravens also had the honor of nearly beating the Patriots (I wish they would have in retrospect, as the Patriots would almost certainly not have lost the Superbowl) but then being defeated in overtime by the then win-less Miami Dolphins.

They were 5-11 last season.

My definitive prediction is a 6-10 record for the Ravens in 2008.

Cincinnati Bengals

Is Carson Palmer depressed?

Do you ever feel like he thinks to himself “I’m better than this. This whole organization is a joke. I feel like I’m on the early 2000’s Portland Trailblazers. Bunch of assholes!”

Chad Johnson is now hurt more than anyone thought. It is a partially torn labrum. He might be out for half the season. Who knows.

Palmer still has Houshmandzadeh to throw to. The trouble is, beyond Housh, the Bengals have Chris Henry and Antonio Chatman. That doesn’t sound like a major issue for pass coverage to me…

They also have the distinct honor of having already sustained several injuries during preseason. Rudi Johnson is ALREADY hurt. That’s not good. Kenny Watson and Chris Perry don’t seem like a one-two punch that will knock anyone out running the ball. Though Watson was good last season, he is 30 and has never started for a full season. I have to question his durability.

I’m not sold on the Bengals have the amount of weapons they will need offensively to put up points consistently. Even in spite of Carson Palmer, if a team starts the season playing backups at running back and wide receivers, it isn’t going to be easy for everyone to be on the same page even if/when the starters return.

In other words, their offense is in sort of a tough spot right now.

The Bengals defense, on the other hand, the defense that was embarrassingly bad for most of last season (allowing 30+ points 5 times, allowing 50+ points once) made only two real additions, Brandon Johnson at linebacker and Antwan Odom on the defensive line.

These are not flashy additions, but maybe the Bengals felt they just needed some new blood. Who knows.

Either way, I don’t see the defense being worse than last season. To their credit, they do still have a lot of developing players learning on the job on the defensive side of the ball.

But I think this will be another building year for the Bengals.

Or maybe they will just have to blow it up in 2009.

The prediction below is mostly because I think that in addition to having injuries and adversity to deal with before the season even starts, this team is doomed. Awful coaching. No chemistry. Star players that don’t want to be there. Great teams band together to overcome those types of things. This is not a great team.

On the other hand, if they do finish with a winning record in 2008, it will be BECAUSE they found a way to band together in spite of insurmountable odds. But I don’t think that will happen. Not with this collection of guys.

My definitive prediction is a 5-11 record for the Bengals in 2008.

Cleveland Browns

I wish Derek Anderson wasn’t concussed.

Anderson was great last season.

Not like Jon Kitna “great” either. He threw 29 TDs and 19 INTs. Almost 4,000 yards passing.

This season Romeo got him Donte Stallworth (a legitimate #2 wide receiver to throw to) and added another fast set of hands to Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow. I love those three guys catching passes and last year Anderson proved he was the guy who should be throwing them.

Brady Quinn Brady Shimim.

At Half Back, the Browns had Jamal Lewis with a chip on his shoulder last season. If Lewis is motivated this year, they should have an even stronger offense than in 2007 (they were surprisingly solid).

The Browns feature a secondary that is young and fast. Sean Jones will be a superstar this season. Eric Wright, Brodney Pool and Brandon McDonald will continue to develop.

The Linebackers are also young and fast. Willie McGinist must be the oldest person on the team, but I’m sure he’ll get subbed out a lot for Leon Williams. If Kamerion Wimbley takes another step up this season, he could be a Pro Bowler. D’Qwell Jacksonis also a young and fantastic linebacker.

The Browns also made the very wise decision to improve their defensive line in the off-season. They acquired Corey Williams from Green Bay and Shaun Rogers from the Lions. Rogers is a solid pass rusher and should serve nicely as Nose Tackle plugging up holes.

The Browns took care of their needs this off-season. It should pay dividends on the field.

I really don’t think 2007 was a fluke. This is a team on the rise. And I think they will upset the Cowboys in week 1.

My definitive prediction is an 11-5 record for the Browns in 2008.

Chris Henry Gets 19th Chance With The Bengals.

Bengals owner Mike Brown decided that Chris henry really never got a fair shake in Cincinnati.

I mean, what has Chris Henry really ever done wrong?

Oh yeah, those DUIs, the possession of weed charge, gun concealment and illegal possession charges (WHILE WEARING HIS BENGALS JERSEY!!), a suspected sex crime (he got off the hook on this), providing alcohol to minors (I believe he was taking some 17 year old to her senior prom on this one…), alleged assault on a 16 year old boy (got off the hook), punching an 18 year old and throwing a beer bottle through his car window because he owed him money (trial pending).

A judge once called him a “one man crime wave” and I would say that seems fairly accurate.

Henry is suspended the first 4 games of this season. I sincerely hope Roger Goodell suspends him permanently if he gets arrested again.

Henry says he plans to clean up his act.

These are certainly strange days when I actually believe that Adam (Pacman) Jones is more intent on cleaning up his act that Chris Henry.

Unfortunately for Henry I feel like that seems to be the case.

This whole story speaks volumes to how the Bengals organization is run.

Carson Palmer will probably get the hell out of there as soon as possible. That is a franchise that looked like it would turn a corner. Clearly once Palmer was hurt, that never happened.

I’ve heard stories from people about how dysfunctional that organization is. Supposedly nobody gets along. Coach Marvin Lewis is a complete joke and it also seems clear that even if Marvin Lewis was trying to put his foot down about Henry, the ownership is too stupid to accept it.

Horrible situation.

Do any Bengals fans really think that Chris Henry is the missing link there? 

Is Chris Henry going to make their defense better?

This is why the Bengals will end up 6-10 or 7-9 in 2008. Bad ownership, bad management, bad coaching, no chemistry.