Mike Mussina Retires. Brett Favre Talks Retirement. Boston Bruins Look Good. Someone Please Buy Me A Sooloos.

We aren’t gonna write about stats.

Mike Mussina was pretty damn awesome for most of his career and will probably be a Hall Of Famer within the next decade.

I’d like to personally thank him for all those times he sucked against the Red Sox.

But Mostly, I just hope that this is a Barry Sanders-type retirement and not a Brett Favre-type retirement.

Mussina, you had a good career.

Oh and I guess this means Cashman should probably try to work out a deal for Aaron Heilman.

 

Speaking of Favre, it’s what now, week 12? That must mean it is time for the retirement questions to begin!

Hooray!

Is there anything less interesting than an old guy with a gray beard answering the same goddamn question 55 times over the course of 2 months for 5 years consecutively?

No? There isn’t?

All of the Favre retirement talk sort of overshadows the fact that he can still play at a high level.

I for one think that Brett should just keep playing until he’s too concussed or unable to move his limbs. And he should also express as much the next time Peter Fucking King or whoever else asks him.

And by the way, attributing the Jets success this season to Brett Favre would be like attributing the Patriots relative success to Matt Cassel. The Jets slowly built up a roster of talented players both ont he offensive and defensive side (especially the last off-season). It also doesn’t hurt that Eric Mangini is the only former Patriots assistant to Belichick that is able to coach his way out of a paper bag (I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU ROMEO CERNELL and CHARLIE WEISS). Josh McDaniels should take notice.

 

In Boston right now, opinions on the Bruins are like Sooloos, pretty much nobody has one. But goddamn if I wouldn’t love to have one (and we at Chair would love to test one out and review it for our office…please?).

I know they’re in first. I’ve watched bits and pieces of about 9 games. I saw them lose a shootout. I’d say I probably follow them more closely than 71% of Boston.

Last season, my roommate Mike (who is a huge fan) watched every game, and as a result, I too, watched at least part of nearly every game. And I gotta say, in spite of all of the horrible shortcomings of the NHL (awful commissioner, too many teams, not enough fans…etc.) I was sucked in quite nicely last season. I watched very playoff game and even though it just seemed like the Bruins had no chance in hell to do anything in 07-08 (not enough scorers, shitty on Power Plays…etc.) they were always entertaining and sometimes surprising.

Even though the Bruins couldn’t pull off a stunner against the Habs, they seemed like a team that might be on the verge of a good season.

And so far, it has all the makings of a good season.

Matt Cassel or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Slob.

I thought this season was over. I thought it couldn’t be worse than it was going to be. That Tom brady being out for the year meant a Detroit Lions-Esq season of pointlessness.

Matt Cassel looked like complete dogshit in the Pre-Season. There was ample time to deduce this because he started all 4 of the Patriots games (since Tom Brady had a mysterious  and much-hyped leg injury that in retrospect, probably wasn’t anything).

The last day of cuts, I remember the Boston Globe running an article expressing surprise that Cassel wasn’t cut. In Pre-Season, Kevin O’Connell and Matt Guetierrez out-shined him with ease. Cassel just looked lost out there.

So I like most Patriots fans assumed that Cassel was a lost cause. I was hoping the Patriots would sign Daunte Culpepper, hoping Kevin O’Connell would be starting, hoping for anything that could bring the team together.

Now I’m not going to shit myself over how well Cassel played last night and try to pretend that this is a Superbowl caliber team. It isn’t. But, last night the Patriots showed that they are feisty as fuck and finally Matt Cassel found a way to get things done in the Red Zone.

The way that Cassel’s confidence and decision making and really general quality of play overall has grown over the course of this season reminds me of a young Tom Brady who was thrust into a very similar situation.

Last night Cassel really didn’t throw into coverage, he found the open man and he ran the Nw England offense highly effectively. The Patriots were essentially able to march up and down the field on a very good Jets defense for most of the night (after a few early gaffes to start the game).

With that said, obviously there are still gaping holes in his game.

Cassel cannot throw the deep ball to save his life. Every time Moss (or anyone really) runs a deep route, Cassel either overthrows him by 10 yards (which seems impossible considering how fast Gaffney and Moss are) or underthrows him by about 15 yards (which had led to interceptions).

The Red Zone still seemed like a tough spot for Cassel at the beginning of the game last night. It just seems like he sometimes shrinks under the pressure of a Red Zone drive (even if he was running all over the defense for the previous 10 palys).

Regardless of all of that, last night Cassel played the best game he’s ever palyed, he didn’t throw any interceptions, he really only threw abotu 2 passes into bad spots and he showed excellent decision making throughout the game (the way he tucks the ball and runs with it is really a huge added value).

The biggest issues the Patriots had last night were on defense (which seem strikingly similar to the biggest issues they had in 2007).

The Patriots just don’t seem to have a pass rush in them. Adalius Thomas was brought to the team to help with that and him being out for the year certainly hurts. Ty Warren being out wasn’t helpful either. But they clearly are not going to be able to win games with an old linebacking crew or defensive line.

Jerod Mayo may have played his best game last night. I am 100% certain that Gary Guyton played his best game last night (and he looked really good). But the Patriots need to make some additions up front.

I’m also not a fan of the secondary-by-committee they have going on. If any team in the AFC should have brought in Ty Law, it was the Patriots.

But even with these flaws, this is an exciting team.

Maybe part of the excitement is not knowing what you’re going to see from week to week.

Maybe part of it is knowing that your team has fatal flaws and really shouldn’t even be as good as it is.

Of maybe the excitement comes from a sense of euphoria that we really haven’t felt with the Patriots since 2001.

It feels like the Patriots are playing with house money. If they lose, they did the best with what they had. If they win, it’s bonus I wasn’t expecting.

Novice Fantasy Football: Week 8, Oh Boy!

by. Enigma

Yes, it’s me, Enigma. And i am proud to say that i survived week 8.

That’s right… i survived even without my boy, Steven Jackson.

I was very fortunate this week, i will admit. I was fortunate that DeAngelo Williams had a pretty fantastic game. LenDale White had a pretty awesome game last night, too, but i had already won at that point.

I must say, though, that i am quite pleased with LenDale White as of late. I’m glad he’s back playing good fucking football again. I’m very glad i hung on to him (which is more than i can say for Willis McGahee, whom i dropped, like, week 4 and whom was picked up by… yes you guessed it… York Fucking Roberts).

I was a little distraught, however, that i didn’t play Matt Jones this week.

I guess i didn’t do enough research, because i thought his suspension was in effect. In case you didn’t hear, like me, it wasn’t yet. And he had a super awesome game. Not that it mattered, but now i am pretty sure that he will be sitting the next 3 weeks. And that really hurts considering the Jaguars will be playing Atlanta AND Detroit.  But who knows, maybe his appeals will go through and he’ll get to keep playing. I hope. I pray. Either way, i am definitely hanging on to him.

Speaking of the Jacksonville Jaguars, i picked them up for my defense this week, after consulting a smorgasboard of internet FF resources. However, they only got me 1 point. And once again, the projections for week 9 are in and Jacksonville is heavily favored (in the top 8 across the board) to be successful against the Cincinnati Bengals. But i also have the Bills’ defense. Thus my dilemma is which to play this week.

Finally, my lovely, handsome, totally fucking fantastic quarterback, Phillip Rivers, is on BYE this week. Leaving me with the quest of which QB to pick up off the waiver wire.

I grabbed Matt Cassel, but soon ditched him for JaMarcus Russell. But now it seems like everyone is looking at Marc Bulger (my backup QB during the draft) to be, much like last week, a super-sleeper pick this weekend. So, do i stick with Russell or grab Bulger?

Moreover, if my homeboy Steven Jackson is back this week (which i pray to God he is) then Bulger might not have to throw very much (seeing as how Steven Jackson is godlike in everything he does).

Decisions, decisions…

Fingers crossed, my friends…

Patriots Pick On 49ers.

I gave Matt Cassel a lot of shit after the Miami game. He was managing the game poorly and didn’t seem to be able to get the offense into any sort of tempo in that match up. When he got hit, it looked like he internally decided he was done and his attitude seemed to change for the worse (along with the attitudes of other teammates) after the first quarter.

For all that I was down on him against the Dolphins, Cassel definitely seemed a lot more confident and able to lead in yesterday’s win in San Francisco.

It wasn’t just the passes (which did look a little better than usual. Cassel seemed to be throwing crisp passes to open men, he scarcely threw into coverage and even though he paid for it when he did, that is still a  good thing when you escape with the win, because Belichick will put even more emphasis on the needfor Cassel to find the open man), it was the all around game management. When Cassel was going to get sacked, more often than not, he accepted it and went down and didn’t try to be a hero (which caused turnovers and pain in the Miami game). Cassel didn’t waste timeouts trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. Even the look on his face during the game was more relaxed and confident.

I know San Francisco probably isn’t winning any playoff games this season, but the way the NFL looks in 2008, who knows.

It was a very good effort by the Patriots. They were largely able to shut down Frank Gore (which is a nice warm up for LT) and even though they still seem to have trouble finishing the sack (this happened at least 4 times in yesterday’s game. They broke through the line and no one blitzing was either fast enough or strong enough to take down O’Sullivan. it is absolutely infuriating.) the defense didn’t look like fish in a barrel. For the most part.

The offensive line actually looked a little stronger against the 49ers than they did against the Dolphins. It also seemed like there was a lot more rotation going into it. Maybe Belichick has acknowledged that the Patriots O-line seems to be patchwork at best and that it is time he tries some back ups.

Laurence Maroney still looks like shit. I honestly don’t think very much of Maroney. He has a few good games a season inexplicably but most of the time he doesn’t accelerate well, he doesn’t make great cuts, he doesn’t have great top speed, he can’t catch the ball, he’s always injured and he gets stuffed all the time.

I really do believe that Kevin Faulk, Sammy Morris and Lamont Jordan are all better #1 options than Maroney.

Oh, and if one more person calls Wes Welker Wes “Walker” as he was called about 39 times in yesterday’s game, I swear, I’m watching the rest of the season on mute. What kind of asshoel can’t pronounce “Welker”. YOU SAY IT EXACTLY THE WAY IT IS SPELLED! ASSHOLE!

The Patriots Eat A Pile Of Steaming Dogshit.

Remember the Superbowl, when the Patriots offensive line was severly outmatched against a team with a great pass rush?

Surely the Patriots made fixing their old, shitty offensive line a priority in the off season. Right?

Oh wait.

Not at all.

Yesterday Matt Cassel looked like the horse’s ass we all knew he could look like, the offensive line looked older and weaker than ever before and allowed Cassel to get sacked 4 times and made such big holes that the Patriots had all of 79 rushing yards.

It is abundantly clear that Randy Moss hates Matt Cassel. He hates the Matt Cassel era. He hates being not thrown to when he is open. He hates losing games. Several times yesterday Cassel did not throw to an open Moss. Other times he over or under threw him. And generally it looked like Randy Moss was unhappy to be playing with Matt Cassel.

Cassel is not a leader. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, the guy might play well enough to not lose games for the Patriots (as he did Week 1 and Week 2), but he will never play well enough to win games for them.

If the Patriots want to do better than 7-9 and a pathetically rhythm-less not fun to watch offense, they really should go get Daunte Culpepper or Jeff Garcia or ANYONE with veteran experience.

Or start Kevin O’Connell.

Did anyone else notice that O’Connell seemed to have more composure and confidence at the end of that game that Cassel did?

Kevin O’Connell is a gamer. The guy plays hard. He acutally has EXPERIENCE (he started games in college!).

When Matt Cassel is playing, he just seems uncomfortable and like he has no idea what he is doing. Starting Cassel at quarterback all season would be like Doc Rivers deciding to start Brian Scalabrine at Center all season when he has a healthy Big Baby Davis on the bench.

Scalabrine and Matt Cassel seem like equals to me. Both of them seem like nice guys. They both seem like they would be fun to hang out with. But they both also look like they have no idea what is going on the second they step on the field/court.

I can’t go on like this.

I would gladly accept a 6-10 record if the Patriots at least were fun to watch. Like the Saints for example. They are fun to watch. They aren’t going to win 13 games, but they are fun to watch. Same thing for the Bengals. Or Raiders. Or 49ers. Or Falcons. All teams that are at least fun to watch. Or have the potential to be fun.

And what the hell happened to the Patriots defense? Ronnie Brown is great, don’t get me wrong, but I really don’t think he is Barry Sanders.

And Chad Pennington, yeah he’s good, but I don’t remember him becoming Steve Young.

What the hell happened?

Bench Matt Cassel. Bring in a free agent. Anyone with game experience who will hit an open receiver and won’t waste timeouts all the time.

Tarvaris Jackson Gets What He Deserves: BEING BENCHED FOR 92 YEAR OLD GUS FREROTTE.

See you in hell Tarvaris.

I’m no Vikings fan. Hell, I’d go so far to say that in general I don’t like most teams from the NFC…

But the fact that the Vikings had a chance to make Golden Boy and the Colts start their season 0-2, looking like they have no real defense, looking like Peyton Manning isn’t fully recovered or is just getting older, looking like their offensive line is more horrific than even the Patriots, looking like Joseph Addai forgot how to run–and blew it because their quarterback isn’t even as good as Joe Flacco, Matt Ryan, JT O’Sullivan, Trent Edwards or Matt Cassel (a guy who has NEVER started before!)?

I was screaming at the TV. Over a team I hate and one I don’t care about. The second week of the season.

I can also honestly say that I have spoken out against the way the NFL treats young quarterbacks int he sense that they jerk them around too much, rattle their confidence, don’t allow them to develop over a full season or through multiple seasons…etc.

But Tarvaris Jackson has started 16 games in his career.

He looked no better on Sunday than he did on day 1.

The guy can’t throw accurate passes, makes horrible decisions and generally seems to be completely lost when he’s on the field.

Of course the Vikings started 0-2. Teams have just done exactly what I said they should do against them, which is to put 7 or 8 or 9 guys in the box every down, stop the run (because even Adrian Peterson isn’t running through 7-9 guys up front that often) and make Tarvaris Jackson beat them through the air.

The only thing Tarvaris Jackson has a chance at beating through the air is a high school football team’s secondary. And not one of those Texas high schools. They know how to play. A Vermont high school. Or a Rhode Island high school. But not Bishop Hendricken. They would be intercepting Tarvaris all day long…

Unfortunately instead of playing the West Warwick Rebels, Tarvaris Jackson was playing the Colts.

Good decision Vikings.

Now bring Daunte Culpepper out of retirement and retun to glory!

Tim Rattay? Chris Simms? Yeah. Those Guys Are Going To Lead The Patriots To The Playoffs in Brady’s Absence…

There are already reports that Tim Rattay and Chris Simms are coming to Massachusettes this afternoon to work out for the Patriots.

I don’t like it.

I don’t like it one bit.

Tim Rattay? Really? I forgot that guy even existed.

And Chris Simms? I prefer my quarterbacks have a spleen, thank you.

I might be wrong about Simms. And by wrong I mean to say that perhaps he has been so humiliated by the way he was treated by John Gruden in Tampa Bay that he has something to prove and would like nothing more than to be able to prove it on a team with great wide receivers 4 solid running backs and a defense that has a pass rush this season.

Does anyone remember that movie The Replacementsthat stars Keanu Reeves and Gene Hackman (worst decision of your life Royal)? I honestly don’t see how you could forget it if you have had basic cable for the last 2 years.

Anyway, in the movie, Keanu’s character’s nickname is “Footsteps” because he was apparently so awful in the BCS Bowl game that he went from almost leading his college to a National Championship to never being given a chance by any NFL team and earning the nickname “Footsteps”.

“Footsteps” is a tough nickname to earn. It has a lot of implications. That a quarterback holds the ball too long,s tays in the pocket too long and makes horrific decisions that get him massacred (sounds like Drew Beldsoe!).

But in all seriousness, Chris Simms is probably the only quarterback in the NFL who has truly earned the nickname “Footsteps”.

Simms suffered a ruptured spleen in 2006 in week 3 that put him out for the year. He lost 5 pints of blood. Yes. 5.

But after that John Gruden kind of treated him like he was a wuss for getting the shit kicked out of him. The Bucs started Jeff Garcia. And all though Simms -5 career TD to INT ratio isn’t at all impressive, he was a young up and comer who did have some potential.

Simms has played in a game since the ruptured spleen game in week 3 of 2006.

Bill Belichick worked with the Giants when Phil Simms was their starting quarterback.

If it is experience the Patriots want, Simms isn’t really the most experienced guy. Yes, he’s had more NFL playing time than say Matt Cassel or Kevin O’Connell, but it isn’t as if Simms is an aged veteran who has lead many a team in the past.

I move that if Simms comes to New England, all Patriots fans refer to him only as “Footsteps” during his tenure. If Footsteps comes to the Patriots and has something to prove (which he sure as hell should), who knows. Maybe it will be a great redemption story.

But the guy that I want in a Patriots uniform by week 3?

 

Daunte Culpepper!

MOSS/CULPEPPER 2008!!

That is one presidential ticket that has experience, says what it is thinking and isn’t one heartbeat away from death.

Just imagine this song playing every single time Culpepper throws a bomb to Randy Moss.

Hell Daunte, you can even call Wes Welker “Cris” for all I care.

Just come back!!

WE NEED YOU!

I was a fool to ever leave your side
Me minus you is such a lonely ride
The breakup we had has made me lonesome and sad
I realize I love you
‘Cause I want you bad, hey, hey

I spent the evening with the radio
Regret the moment that I let you go
Our quarrel was such a way of learning so much
I know now that I love you
‘Cause I need your touch, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey

I sat here staring at the same old wall
Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb right through the telephone line
And give you what you want
So you will still be mine, hey, hey

I can’t go cheating, honey, I can’t play
I found it very hard to stay away
As we reminisce on precious moments like this
I’m glad we’re back together
‘Cause I missed your kiss, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-a-a-by

Lover, lover, this is solid love
And you’re exactly what I’m dreaming of
All through the day
And all through the night

I’ll give you all the love I have
With all my might, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey

Tom Brady Has A Torn ACL. Out For The Season. Bring In Daunte Culpepper. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BRING IN DAUNTE CULPEPPER!!

Tom Brady is rumored to have a torn ACL. Unless by some miracle it is just a broken leg or something (a broken leg would be a miracle in this case) Tom Brady will miss the entire 2008 season.

The Patriots didn’t look all that promising prior to Brady’s injury and they certainly did not look fantastic afterwards. 

Now I know what it must feel like to have a teenage son or daughter. One disappointment after another. 

At least I have the Celtics…

…Well…

Here is the silver lining:

• If it is a torn ACL, Brady will have a calendar year to recover. This is longer than Carson Palmer had. Palmer is still effective (not today, but in general…)
• The Patriots arrogance is gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.
• Younger players will NEED to step up and play to the absolute best of their ability in order to even help this team make the playoffs.
• Maybe Matt Cassel will be the next Tom Brady? (doubtful).
• Maybe if Matt Cassel does start and start to suck hard, maybe Kevin O’Connell will be the starter? (doubtful).
• Maybe the Patriots can pull Daunte Culpepper out of retirement. Here is how the meeting would go “Listen Daunte, we know you’re retired, we know you didn’t get a fair shake anywhere. We know you had a serious knee injury in Miami, we know you were on the Raiders and that fuckfest wasn’t your fault (look, we even signed Lamont Jordan!). But you know what Daunte? The best years of your life happened in Minnesota. Who was your favorite target? Was it Cris Carter? No? It was Randy Moss. Hey wait a second…RANDY MOSS IS ON OUR TEAM! Listen Daunte, you want to play in the NFL, you can start in New England, you have a killer offense here a solid defense, you want to prove you can start in the NFL, do it for a team that has EVERYTHING to prove. WE WANT YOU CULPEPPER!!!”

Matt Cassel was a decent game manager today. He wasn’t going to lose the game playing the way he did. But he also wasn’t going to win any games for the team like that. Not against decent opponents anyway.

Maybe Cassel can get better.

Sammy Morris looked great today…

CULPEPPER FOR PATRIOTS QB 2008!

I don’t think Culpepper would lead them to the Superbowl or be good enough to make them even necessarily the AFC East winners…

But Culpepper would definitely make it a fun season to watch (as would Kevin O’Connell).

I have already accepted that my team is fucked for 2008.

Please do not make me sit through 15 games of boring, uninspired, tempo-less offensive drives. 

Please Daunte. Please come to the Patriots.

Kevin O’Connell Should Be The Patriots Back Up Quarterback.

While flipping back and fourth between the DNC and the Patriots @ New York for the preseason closer, a few things became apparent:

1. Matt Cassel kind of sucks.
2. Matt Gutierrez is slightly better than Matt Cassel at this point, but also does not inspire any confidence should Brady go down.
3. Chad Jackson should be a legitimate receiving threat this season.
4. Michelle Obama would be the most attractive First Lady ever. By Far.
5. Kevin O’Connell is who I trust with this team.

The Patriots pre-season play has been slightly less than inspired. Laurence Maroney still looks like he’s running uphill all of the time, the defense looks like ti is weak, the offensive line seems old and unable to stop a pass rush.

I’m sure some of this could be a product of injuries. Some of it could be new players trying to find their ground. Some of it could be a 2007 season hangover.

But the bottom line is, Tom Brady hasn’t taken a snap with this team in any games yet this season.

Far be it from me to try and exaggreate healthy concerns for Brady or make excuses for him, but I think he should be ready for the season opener. The thing is, if he actually is hurt in any serious manner, or if he were to get hurt seriously, this Patriots team would sort of die with Matt Cassel at the helm.

Matt Cassel had the benefit of starting every pre-season game. That means he had the starters around him and the starters of the defenses going against him. And you what he did? Suck. Consistently.

Matt Gutierrez had flashes of being all right. He seems like he could be a backup.

The kind of guy that could lead a great team to a 6-10 record.

Matt Cassel has played like a quarterback that would lead the Patriots to a 2-14 record.

But last night we had the pleasure of seeing the rawness of Kevin O’Connell. And yeah, I understand he was playing against the Giants 3rd string. But guess what? He was playing with the Patriots 3rd string as well.

Kevin O’Connell is a gamer. He just seemed to have that swagger that successful quarterbacks need.

I like that he is mobile, I like his toughness and his passes really did seem to be crisp and on point (except for that timing route where he messed up and threw way behind someone, but that type of thing can happen to any quarterback on occasion).

I honestly do feel like Kevin O’Connell could lead this Patriots team to a 9-7 record should Brady be out for the season if he plays for a whole year the way he did int he 4th quarter last night.

In fact, had the Patriots defense found a way to stop the Giants with about 1:45 left int eh game, there is no doubt in my mind that O’Connell would have led the Patriots to a ridiculous come from behind victory.

Yeah, it was preseason. And he isn’t exactly a polished gem. But I think Bill Belichick would be making a huge mistake if he cut Kevin O’Connell. His raw athleticism and gamer mentality alone should be enough for Belichick to keep him around.

I liked what I saw in O’Connell last night. It made me wish I would have seen him at San Diego State University.

I also like that he is from Knoxville. Superdrag is from Knoxville. And they are decent folks.

O’Connell seems liek the type of player Belichick loves. He’s big, he’s athletic and based on his performance last night, I have no doubt that he would be willing to do anything to lead his team to victory (Including playing Safety or being on special teams).

There needs to be a spot for this guy on the roster.