Week 1. The Falcons Beat The Lions. The Panthers Beat The Chargers. The Bears Beat The Colts. The Ravens Beat The Bengals. The Bills Beat the Seahawks.

The best thing about the NFL that is completely different than the NBA or MLB is that season to season you really never know what you’re going to see. Teams add new players and expect to be great. Other teams lose players and figure to be horrible. Training camp happens. You hear reports. The Pre-season starts and ends and no matter how good anything looks on paper or how well a team did during all of the above, the day week 1 begins anything can happen.

The Falcons? A giant pile of suck last season. In the shadow of Michael Vick they were a floundering franchise.

Then they almosthad Bill Parcells working to rebuild them. But he went to the Dolphins. It looked like another lost season. There was nothing I heard about in training camp or during the pre-season or in the acquisitions they made that made me think they would win more than 4-6 games in 2008.

And yes, they still might only win 4-6 games.

But Matt Ryan? He was a game manager.

Michael Turner? He was ridiculous.

Jerious Norwood? Finally earned the nickname “Serious Jerious”.

In all honesty, a lot of the hype today is about Turner’s outstanding 22 carries for 220 yards and 2 TDs (yes, he averaged 10 yards per carry). I figured Turner would be pretty solid in Atlanta. I thought he might rush for 1,000 to 1,300 yards and have 8 to 10 TDs. But I also figured that Atlanta really does not have a great offensive line and that the offense might be really one dimensional with a rookie QB.

But even if you play the “Michael Turner is apparently Barry Sanders son” card, how the hell do you explain Jerious Norwood’s 14 carries for 93 yards and 1 TD?

Luck?

The Lions defense being pathetic?

Or do the Falcons just really want not to be ‘the team that Michael Vick left behind’?

It should be interesting to see how this develops. If Matt Ryan continues to not chuck it up into coverage (which he did not do yesterday), they might be a decent offense. Maybe.

Are the Falcons actually that good? Are the Lions really that bad?

Seeing the Seahawks get clobbered wasn’t much of a pleasure, for a few reasons:

1. I still feel for the city that lost the Sonics. The Oklahoma City Thunder? Really?!?! What a joke. Clay Bennett is a scumbag.
2. I named my fantasy football team “The Seattle Admirals” to honor the suffering of sports fans in the great Northwest.
3. I have nothing against the Seahawks really (except that I hate the Steelers and they didn’t beat the Steelers in the Superbowl…but that was mostly refs).

But…The Seahawks? That team looks to be dead in the water to me.

I really do think their offense is questionable at best and their defense is overrated. Good, but overrated.

Seeing Chris Berman say “You’re with me Seahawks” and predicting them to win the Superbowl…well…That was a stupid stupid stupid prediction. I mean, I appreciate that Berman didn’t just say ”Colts” and move on like so many “analysts” do. But what changes did the Seahawks make from 2007 to 2008 that would make you think they are somehow immensely better than last season? I think they will probably be a playoff team (probably) but the way the Bills manhandled them yesterday? Embarrassing.

Trent Edwards was efficient, found holes and took what he was given. Marshawn Lynch was as good as he was in 2007. The defense looked really really solid. If you are a Buffalo Bills fan, there is a lot to look forward to with this group.

Hell, the Jets did not exactly look impenetrable yesterday either and seeing that Tom Brady is out of commission, this season is a very good opportunity for the Bills to win the AFC East. They were the best team playing at a learning curve last season. And it was clear that they looked the best (against by far the best opponent) yesterday of the AFC East Teams.

The Panthers out-toughed the Chargers.

The Bears out-offensed the Colts.

The Bengals look like the only team in the NFL that legitimately might lose all 16 games, all hate each other and be pathetically bad for an entire season. My pre-kickoff suspicions were confirmed yesterday by Carson Palmer’s 99 passing yards and Chris Perry’s 37 rushing yards.

Joe Flacco looked good as well.

It was a strange day.

Granted it was week 1 and everyone is still rusty and figuring out their role for about the first 5 weeks of any NFL season.

But if these trends continue….

Plaxico Burress Gets Paid.

Plaxico is probably one of the coolest first names in sports.

It has an ‘X’ and the term ‘ico’.

His nickname could be ‘Plax’ or ‘Xico’ (SICKO).

It’s pretty neat.

But one thing that isn’t all that neat is Plax’s career stats.

Burress has NEVER caught 100 passes in a season. His highest yardage total was 1325 yards in 2002 (he also caught a career high 78 passes that season).

And Burress is not getting any younger.

The thing that has always annoyed me about Burress is the fact that he is the perfect size to be an elite wide receiver (6′ 5″ 226 lbs., strong). He’s the type of guy who should have been catching 85 passes a season from the get go and racking up 1100 yards each year easily.

You know how tall the average starting Cornerback is in the NFL?

Me neither.

But it is not even remotely close to 6’5″.

Burress has only broken 1,000 yards 4 of his 8 years in the NFL. He’s only hit double digit TDs twice (the last two seasons).

Eli Manning clearly loves having Burress as a target. I think if the Giants had someone who was a serious deep threat lining up opposite Plaxico, Burress would benefit greatly (statistically).

And I’d always like to put Burress in the top tier of true active #1 Wide Receivers (a group of guys who have the speed, height, build and proven success to be considered such).

But Burress needs a big breakout season.

If he catches 6-7 passes a game I think he’ll get there this year.

Maybe he’ll earn the contract he just signed.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s no Roy Williams (who is easily the most frustrating wide receiver in the NFL for his size and legitimate talent level). But I’d like to see Plaxico earn the nickname Xico this season.

Chad Ocho Cinco Is Officially The Most Fun Athlete Ever. Or The Most Insane.

Strap in Cincinnati Bengals fans. It promises to be a long season.

The Bengals lost (and gave up) more players this off season than I did in my (non-keeper) Fantasy league.

They still have defensive holes.

They re-added Chris Henry for some reason.

Marvin Lewis is going to be angry and miserable all year long.

Carson Palmer will be counting down the days until he can leave.

Chris Perry will have his struggles.

But you know what one constant bright side is?

Chad Ocho Cinco.

Anyone who complains about Ocho Cinco like he’s a menace who is out to destroy football is clearly a moron.

Ocho Cinco isn’t getting arrested. He isn’t hanging out with 16 year olds and getting them drunk and having sex with them (coughChrisHenrycough). He isn’t getting into bar fights or not playing because he didn’t get his way. Nope.

Ocho Cinco is a warrior.

He has great hands, he plays hard and he is easily one of the best wide receivers in the NFL.

Oh, and he is fun to watch.

I have a question for all the haters: why do you watch football?

Is it because it is…fun?

Chad Ocho Cinco is FUN! Remember that Christmas Eve game where he wanted to do a touchdown dance where he would ride around the end zone on a reindeer, but then he figured it wouldn’t work, so he got a huge sack of presents and handed them out? Amazing. Fun. Entertaining.

Maybe a little crazy.

But fun.

I hope he’s on the Patriots in 2009…somehow.

Shawne Merriman Decides To Play in 2008. Stupid is the new “Gutsy”.

Shawne Merriman has decided that playing football right now, this season is more important than his health, the rest of his career, financial considerations and overall well-being in life in general.

Merriman has two torn ligaments in his knee. A lateral collateral and posterior cruciate. 

There have been rumors about these torn ligaments being career ending. It was suggested by 4 different doctors, that Merriman go through with surgery to repair the ligaments.

“To be as simple as possible, I just want to play football,” Merriman said. “That’s what it comes down to. I know what’s on the table, I know what’s on the line. I put a lot of work in this and I want to play.”

But the thing is…he obviously really doesn’t know what’s on the line.

Merriman is in his mid-20′s. He’s young. He is one of the best linebackers in the NFL. He has the world by the throat and he’s been doing that stupid lights out dance on it for the last 3 years.

That’s great and all, but these types of things are fleeting. 

Let’s just pretend that the health implications are a complete non-factor and just talk about the simple financial risk he is taking.

Merriman might have already made something like $100 million. Now, I don’t know how he’s living his life (because I’ve never met him), but if he is living large in any way shape or form, that money is not going to last him forever. He can ask Michael Vick about that if he wants proof.

And I say that not to compare Merriman to Michael Vick, but only because Vick should really serve as a cautionary tale to NFL players. That guy was rolling in money. He spent it like it was going out of style, probably figuring, innocently enough, that he would start saving once he was down to his last few seasons, never expecting that there would be an unforeseen circumstance that would force him out of the money (and game) that he was “investing” like crazy (in his “friends” who wanted to open stores, start business, be hangers’ on…etc.)

Vick is out of the NFL right now. In jail. And again, I don’t intend to draw any parallels between them or cast stones at Michael Vick who is doing the time for the crimes he committed. 

But, if Merriman gets one hard cut block to the knees, he could be in a different kind of prison. One where he stops making money, isn’t getting anything from the NFL’s retirement policy, has outstanding debts he can’t afford to pay off and has nothing but a bum knee and some videos to show of his short career.

And in the interest of full disclosure, I am not a Chargers fan. I don’t like Phillip Rivers at all. LaDainian Tomlinson has done nothing but run his mouth for the past few seasons and because the Patriots and Chargers are sort of in a long rivalry right now, I have to hate them.

But being that I love football and appreciate great talent, I would hate to see Merriman’s career cut short because he was being too much of a meathead to see the forrest from the trees.

Have you ever met anyone who had severe arthritis in their knees? Doesn’t sound like a fun life, right? 

How about someone who has had a knee replacement. Yeah, the technology for this is better than ever before, but life isn’t peachy when you have a plastic and steel knee.

Is Shawne Merriman prepared to walk around with a limp (at best) for the rest of his life, should something go wrong (and in the NFL, EVERYONE gets hurt and takes shots to their knees. It isn’t a question of “if”, it is a question of “when”)?

How does not being able to walk, having no money to cover medical expenses and living a life of regret sound to you? 

To me that sounds like a nightmare. 

Maybe I’m being over-dramatic, but those consequences are not all that far-fetched given the situation Merriman is in. 

If you are a Chargers fan, how could you stand behind this decision? 

Has anyone else noticed that LaDainian Tomlinson has gotten dumber and dumber over the course of his career? 

“How do you tell a warrior to sit down? That’s what he is, a warrior. He’s trained for this. It’s hard to tell a guy to sit down,” Tomlinson said.

Sure, that soundbyte would be fine, it would be “gutsy” and “warrior-like” if Merriman knew he was seriously injured (without knowing the full extent) but chose to play in the Superbowl, through the pain, for one game, to attempt to win a championship (ala Curt Schilling in the 2004 ALCS…and even he was never really the same afterwards). That is a “no guts, no glory” decision.

But to make this decision before the NFL season has even started? Ridiculous. If you think Merriman can play for 5 months without getting nailed in the knee at least once, you are crazy, dumb or Shawne Merriman. 

Going against the warnings of 4 doctors when you are young and have your whole career ahead of you isn’t gutsy or “warrior-like”. It’s stupid. Get the surgery, rest for and rehab for 15 months, maybe you could come back midway through the 2009 season.

I hope for Merriman’s sake someone steps in or he reconsiders. 

If not, the only thing that will be “Lights Out” for Merriman this year will be his hopes for the future.

Sick JJ Birden Post at Straight Cash Homey

I enjoy a good “Straight Cash Homey” visit every three weeks or so.

Typically on the site, they post pictures of dudes wearing sports jerseys that are ridiculous and write a funny comment under the photo. That’s about it. It isn’t brain surgery, but if you’ve been a sports fan for the last 20 years, it is pretty hilarious.

I’m a little behind but I saw it was their one year anniversary and they had a ncie one from JJ Birden.

JJ Birden sent them a photo of his daughter in one of his jerseys which they posted for the anniversary. I just thought it was cool that a former pro-athlete has such a sense of humor. Seems like a great guy.

Plus his career stats?

Not bad at all considering he was an 8th round pick and played Pro Football for 9 years. You know how long most people last in the NFL? 13 seconds. Or something.

He was also immortalized in both Tecmo Superbowl AND NFL ’95 featuring Joe Montana (ON THE CHIEFS!!)

I lived for NFL ’95. Fantastic game. Whenever you released a played it would say “I’M GONE!” really loudly. I spent most of my time creating all star teams because the game let you make completely absurd nonsensical trades for no reason.

I would always have a linebacker core with Hardy Nickerson, Junior Seau and Jessie Tuggle. I would get like 17 sacks a game with Seau. That guy was unstoppable.

I think it said “PAY THA MAN” when you signed someone…?

Usain Bolt Is Really Really Fast.

Usain Bolt won the Gold Medal int he 200 metres today and set another World Record.

That guy is crazy fast. 19.30 seconds.

Now Americans, I know you’ve been programmed to only care what the American athletes do. But Phelps aside, America has not had incredibly strong showings in these Olympics (as far as I can see…maybe I’m missing the results for Ballroom dancing, cribbage and Mario Kart 64, where the Titans NEVER LOSE).

Usain Bolt is incredible. His strides are giant, he is fast and he has the attitude of a top tier NFL wide receiver. What’s not to like?

Seriosuly, when he’s like 28 and his career in running is winding down, maybe he should be a punt returner for the Patriots….just saying…

Anquan Boldin Wants To Be Traded.

Anquan Boldin has decided that he is underpaid (this is true), under-appreciated (probably true) and unhappy in Arizona.

I don’t know where he gets off being unhappy, its not like the Cardinals consistently underperform, have one quarterback who spends all his time drinking and fathering illegitimate children with Nick Lachey and another quarterback who is on the wrong side of 65 and still playing arena football or anything.

Boldin wants out.

I have to say, for all that the Anquan Boldin/Larry Fitzgerald combo might be the best two receiver tandem in the NFL, The Cardinals sure don’t play like it.

I’m sure if the Cardinals trade him now, they could get some serious considerations in return. It might be something to think on.

Plus, this shit was BOUND to happen the second the Cardinals started paying Larry Fitzgerald $10 million a year. If Fitz is worth $10 million a year, clearly Boldin wants $10 million a year. And if a team is paying its number 1 and number 2 wide receiver $10 million a year each, they better have one hell of a quarterback, offensive line and running back because there is NO WAY they are putting ANYONE good out there on defense.

Fortunately, the Cardinals don’t have to worry about having a good offensive line or Quarterback. Or paying Boldin $10 million (because they clearly don’t want to do that).

Edgerrin James can only carry them so far…

John Lynch Joins The Patriots. 1 Year. $1.5 Million. Oh Hell Yeah!!!

That’s right. I quoted Stone Cold Steve Austin in the title of this post.

This is because:

1. John Lynch is a player I have admired, feared and respected throughout his career.

2. Just imaging Old Man Harrison and John Lynch hitting a receiver from two sides at once makes me almost throw up in excitement.

3. Some veteran leadership in the secondary.

4. Tank Williams will not be as sorely missed as he would have been.

5. It isn’t a long term acquisition, it isn’t costing the Pats anything and Lynch will likely rotate in and out. It adds solid depth to a weak position.

6. The Patriots have indeed added speed and youth to the defense. Adding another solid veteran will not hurt them in any way.

7. He’s John Lynch for fuck’s sake. The guy is a monster.

I am excited. I’m not saying Lynch will be enough to win a Superbowl or that he was the missing piece of any puzzle or anything like that. But anytime you can get a player of his caliber just to add depth for essentially nothing, it is a great pick up. 

Oh Hell Yeah!!

Jimmy Clausen Drinks…World Ends.

Crowley would look good in this...

I’m going to preface this post by saying I’m very anti-Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish.  

I think that out of all of the bandwagons in sports, Notre Dame leads by a long shot.  For some reason people LOVE Notre Dame.  A lot of these people cannot name a single athlete on any of their sports teams (other than maybe Brady Quinn, who will get his chance at the NFL level soon, and will have a TD:Interception ratio of about 1:5).  

The Notre Dame bandwagon really pisses me off.  

The only thing that pisses me off more is when I see someone in a BC hat and Notre Dame shirt, or vice versa.  

Sports bigamy is disgusting, let alone wearing two rivals gear…I put this on the level of wearing a Cubs hat and White Sox shirt.

 Anyways, the Anti-Notre Dame rant could go on for hours, but I will save your eyes for the time being.

The Chicago Tribune ran a story today about how pictures have surfaced of Jimmy Clausen, current Notre Dame QB, and other teammates allegedly drinking.  Supposedly the athletes were participating in “Beer Olympics” and are underage.  This is Clausen’s second accusation of underage alcohol consumption and is apparently a big deal.

I feel like Nore Dame just needs to let go of it.  We all know that no matter what Clausen will be starting all year at Quarterback and this will just get negative press for the school.

The fact that they were competing in Beer Olympics is pretty hilarious, as I like to imagine top D1 athletes as getting whatever they want, not having to go to class and banging the top 50 hottest girls on campus before the end of their freshmen year…not as losers who got dressed up in red jackets and competed in Beer Olympics. 

I have never competed in Beer Olympics and probably never will, that shit is just weak.  I can think of no more bro-like activity than busting out a 30 of Nady Light and creating stupid beer games, which is actually sort of how I picture a typical Notre Dame party anyways, so maybe this is just par for the course.  

Irregardless (yes, i realize that’s not a word), the fact that Notre Dame is undergoing an investigation about this is incredibly lame, and they have other things they should be focussing on…like the fact that they won three games last year and were projected as a top 5 team in the preseason polls.

Because Notre Dame sucks almost as bad as all the bandwagon losers who jock their shit, please just let Jimmy Clausen and his bros do whatever they please…they were going for the gold!

Everybody Loves The WNBA When There Are Brawls…not so much when it is women playing basketball..

I don’t need a picture.

There was a brawl in the WBNA last night between the Detroit Shock and Los Angeles Sparks.

It happened at the Palace at Auburn Hills aka home of the Detroit Pistons.

There was some shoving, things got out of hand, the same as any NBA altercation. Nothing really spectacular, unusual or amazing happened. Tempers flare when people are competing and teams are rivals.

Yet it’s the first time I can ever remember ANY news story related to the WBNA being front page news on ESPN.com, or a lead story on Sportscenter.

And the way ESPN covers these types of events?

Well…its akin to the way Fox News covers a Michael Moore film premiere. 

I don’t know when it happened, but sometime in the last decade, sports news has transmogrified from in depth coverage of players and personalities, highlights, scores and statistical analysis into TMZ for jocks. The Brett Favre soap opera? Is there anything less interesting? Oh yeah, the whole ongoing “Barrack Obama’s Minister said bad bad things” soap opera. Right. Similar? Yes. Long lasting? Yes. Does any of it matter? No.

Do I care what Chad Johnson had for breakfast? Not that much. Oh, he’s at training camp today? GREAT! Thanks.

Have you ever noticed you spend more time reading about player contracts, transactions and legal issues than you do reading about anything that ACTUALLY HAPPENS DURING A GAME? 

I’ll be the first to admit that I certainly pump out a lot of gossip sports stories. And why? Because they can be interesting. 

But unlike ESPN, I don’t feel I have or should have any obligation to write about anything other than what I feel like writing about. ESPN should be about providing insight and great analysis and sports coverage and THEN about gossip. Lately its all gossip with a couple John Hollinger articles mixed in.

Is it because athletes don’t want to talk to the media? Is it because the media can find a way to turn ANYTHING into a story? Is it because America runs on gossip?

Mostly, yes and yes.

Let me know the next time you see a WBNA game story or score or anything unrelated to this incident on the front page of ESPN.com. Please. Let me know. Maybe at their Championship? Maybe.

I mean this in the kindest way possible; the vast majority of sports fans do not care at all about the WBNA. In fact, I bet if you did a poll and asked any sports fan how many WBNA teams they could name off the top of their head, they would maybe be able to name one. Maybe.

Here is my list, this is completely off the top of my head:

Detroit Shock, Los Angeles Sparks, Houston something space travel related, New York Liberty, Seattle not Sonics…uhhh…that’s it. See. Bad. And I bet most people couldn’t even name more than a few cities teams are in.

And that’s OK. I think that the WNBA has an opportunity as a future league. As in, if it hangs around for 20 years and women/young women are interested in the league, it could easily become a part of common sports culture. For a few reasons 1) people are fickle, they fall in and out of love with leagues, players, etc. The NBA is back in vogue, or coming back in vogue in a big way. Might not last forever. Shit, ask the average sports fan to name 20 NHL teams and I doubt they could do that these days. 2) trends come and go. People said soccer would never catch on in America, well it sort of is catching on. It might be slow, but it is coming. I swear. I mean it this time. Look at Tennis. People who didn’t give a shit about tennis in June are shitting their pants in excitement now. 3) Any league needs time. Be it SLAMBALL, the XFL, Arena Football, the WNBA or MLS. A league needs to build its history, gain a reputation, and stay with it through the tough years. Things change. People change. If you get some kids into it, who knows what might happen down the line.

But right now, the WNBA will continue to be exploited for the two times this season where something newsworthy has happened (A WOMAN DUNKED AGAIN! OH MY GOD! 3 ARTICLES NOW!!!/DID YOU SEE THAT BRAWL! THAT WAS AWFUL! THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!).

Stupid.