One More Mistake and Pacman Will Be Banned Forever.

It's Pacman, then God.

As we predicted last week, Roger Goodell has officially stated that if Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones has even one more issue while playing in the NFL, he will be banned for life.

I kind of wonder what will happen.

Jones seems like the kind of guy who we had high school Algebra class with. Always distracting everyone and getting yelled at by the teacher yet insanely believing the teacher has a vendetta against him.

Jones’ personality-type leads me to believe he will again do something stupid and think “well this wasn’t a big enough deal to get kicked out of football though” and he will then be dumbfounded at the ‘injustice’ done to him when he is expelled from the NFL.

In other words, he is a shitty player and an even worse human being.

Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones Given A 27th Chance In The NFL.

Pacman Jones has been reinstated by Roger Goodell.

The Cowboys will be able to activate Jones for thier December 7th game.

I am of the firm belief that Roger Goodell only reinstated Jones this time so that if he fucks up again (which there is probably a 69% chance he will) Goodell can say “Three strikes you’re out motherfucker! Pack your bags! You goin’ to Canada!”.

If Roger Goodell actually spoke like that, his press conferences would be far more interesting.

I have always been of the opinion that people deserve second chances. Usually. But how many chances can someone actually be given before the chance giver just looks like a huge moron?

This many.

Roger Goodell is all too happy to allow players to be fined for “dirty” hits and the like, but this move makes it seem like, when you come right down to it, he’s pretty much a lot of talk.

I guess that’s better than Paul Tagliabue who was a lot of…nothing.

And still, when you put it into perspective, there is no way Goodell isn’tthe best commissioner of the 4 major sports. It isn’t even close.

In spite of some overly sensitive fines that get tossed around, I appreciate Goodell’s sheriff-like attitude when it comes to guys shooting people and (allegedly) committing felonies. If Goodell would just lay off on the stupid fines, I would have no issue with him at all.

Bud Selig is just completely moronic and incompetent in every way. But David Stern is just oversensitive to everything. His “rules” are never consistent and he’s just an old man living in a young man’s World.

Roger Goodell needs to:

1. Lay down ultra specific rules as to what constitutes a dirty hit and what can be fined.
2. Write specific rules by which players can be suspended or expelled from the NFL.

I think too much of his decision making is done on a case-by-case basis and clearly that isn’t working. A firm set of rules encompassing everything applied with a small measure of case-by-case decision making would go a long way towards improving things.

Even if that means writing a player conduct rule book that says things like:

Strip Clubs -

Any player allegedly involved in a strip club altercation will receive a minimum 4 game suspension.

Shootings -

Any player who allegedly discharges a firearm in public will receive a minimum 6 game suspension.

Underage Parties –

Any player allegedly involved in “partying” with underage males or females will receive a minimum 3 game suspension.

I would gladly write up this rule book for you Roger. Just buy me a Sooloos and I will get into detail like you wouldn’t believe.

Oh man do I want a Sooloos…

Jerry Jones = Moron. Tony Romo = Pussy.

Jerry Jones has guaran-DAMN-teed that the Cowboys will make the playoffs this season.

Does that old bag of bones ever look at standings?

Also, I would greatly appreciate it if Jerry Jones and Al Davis were forced to fight to the death and/or if both of them would just fucking disappear forever. Thanks.

“There’s just absolutely no, I can tell you without hesitation, thought in my mind about him not coaching the Dallas Cowboys in the future, past this year,” Jones said. “No thought. I haven’t given that one ounce of consideration. … His contract is his contract.”

“What I’m hoping is that all of the positive things that Wade Phillips is about really does kick in in a way that gives him his due and gives him his credit,” Jones said. “I thought that for whatever the reasons he didn’t get the credit that he should have had last year.”

You know why no one recognized the genius of Wade Phillips?

BECAUSE WADE PHILLIPS IS A FUCKING MORON!

Among all of the head coaches in the NFL, Wade Phillips even looks the most like he ate lead paint chips as a child.

Jerry Jones went on to talk about how he’s willing to give Pacman Jones another chance.

Apparently Jerry Jones is so senile that he thinks that Pacman Jones is related to him in some way and feels obligated to give his untalented/over-hyped ass a 19th chance.

Honestly, if he didn’t have a cool nickname, no one would even know who he was…

His play is shit on the field and he’s the scum of the Earth off the field…Fits in perfectly with the Dallas Cowboys.

Also, Tony Romo is pussy.

“Ow, I broke my pinkie! It Hurts!” Suck it up baby. You were supposed to be ‘the team to beat’ this season and you need 3 games off because of a broken fucking pinkie?

I could see one game., but after that, tape it up tightly and throw the goddamn ball.

Kobe Bryant has been playing with a broken pinkie for the last year (almost). All though I think that’s a bad idea that he will probably almost certainly regret when he’s old and has crippling arthritis in that pinkie to the point that it is completely immobile, HE’S NOT A GIANT PUSSY LIKE TONY ROMO!

Last season people sort of anointed Tony Romo as being one of the great quarterbacks in the NFL. I still think the guy is a fraud. Or maybe not a fraud, but closer to a Marc Bulger than a Peyton Manning-type.

I hate the Cowboys, by the way.

Pacman Jones Owes Lawyers Money.

TMZ has reported that Pacman Jones owes his lawyers back payments for services rendered.

Of course the comments on their talkback are intelligent and well thought out.

Like this one:

5. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST BORM DUMB, NOTHING WILL HELP THEM, SO WHAT —–OH WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Posted at 2:00PM on Nov 13th 2008 by KEN

We hope we can get “KEN” to be a regular contributor at Chair.

Kellen Winslow Had a Staph Infection. Speaks Out Against Cleveland Browns Facilities.

You have to wonder where that whole “Kellen Winslow’s balls have swelled to the size of grapefruits” rumor originated.

If you follow football, even remotely, you probably heard something like that floating around the last couple of weeks.

Supposedly his issue was a staph infection.

This could have easily came to a head in the groin area but regardless, Winslow is the sixth player within the last couple of seasons on the Browns roster to have a staph infection.

Yeah, when you think staph infection, you probably think of a teenage girl with a boil or something…but staph infections are no joke.

If you have one and let it go without medical attention (as I’m sure many tough athletes would try to, thinking “oh, it’s just a cut or a bump, no big deal”) it can lead to serious illness sometimes requiring amputation or, if untreated for an absurd amount of time, death.

Edwards says that the reason why his condition was withheld was not because he was hiding behind HIPAA (which, by the way is his medical right, and not ‘hiding’ as so many asshole/moron journalists and fans believe) but because the upper management of the team didn’t want it to get out that yet another one of their players contracted a staph infection.

“They didn’t even want me going to the Cleveland Browns’ facility because they didn’t want me to get re-infected. Something is wrong up there. It needs to be fixed.”

 

“Nobody knew that I had staph on the team because the Browns didn’t want it to get out,” Winslow said. “But it’s my teammates’ right to know what’s going on at the facility to protect them. Their safety is at risk, too, and I didn’t agree with the Cleveland Browns, because they are protecting the organization and not the players.”

 

“I didn’t get a ‘How are you doing Kellen? It’s good to have you back.’ Nothing like that,” Winslow said. “I was very disappointed. I basically told him I don’t feel appreciated on this team by you [GM Phil Savage], and I feel like a piece of meat sometimes.”

To all of the brilliant ESPN commenter’s who wittily replied “you is a piece of meat Braylon”, for one, he’s Kellen Winslow, not Braylon Edwards. Secondly, the best example I can think of is if you work in an office building that is not being properly maintained (trash not being removed, bathrooms not being cleaned, backed up toilets spilling on the floor all the time, lack of hand soap int he bathrooms, nothing being disinfected ever) and you get severely sick as a direct result of the office environment, you would probably call your office out on it (to HR or whomever) or call the state board of health. You deserve a clean workplace that will not inhibit your ability to do your job.

The Browns are obviously a little different since you know, guys are constantly coming into the locker room caked in dirt, blood…etc., but it is the responsibility of the organization to keep that environment clean to not inhibit their employees from doing their job. Plus, just form a business perspective, it is to the extreme detriment of the organization (business, football team or any other organization) to not foster a clean working environment when it ends up causing you to be shorthanded due to preventable sickness (at the VERY least).

The Browns have had almost a year and a half to figure this out.

This is a situation where Roger Goodell should step in and fine the responsible party (probably the GM) for not acting appropriately to solve this issue after staph infections had happened FIVE TIMES ALREADY!

Think about it, Adam Pacman Jones gets suspended for not meeting professional levels of conduct befitting NFL players. The Browns have clearly not met professional levels of conduct befitting their work environment. It is just as negligent. Obviously there might be an infection every now and then due to the nature of the game, but this is out of hand.

Chris Henry Gets 19th Chance With The Bengals.

Bengals owner Mike Brown decided that Chris henry really never got a fair shake in Cincinnati.

I mean, what has Chris Henry really ever done wrong?

Oh yeah, those DUIs, the possession of weed charge, gun concealment and illegal possession charges (WHILE WEARING HIS BENGALS JERSEY!!), a suspected sex crime (he got off the hook on this), providing alcohol to minors (I believe he was taking some 17 year old to her senior prom on this one…), alleged assault on a 16 year old boy (got off the hook), punching an 18 year old and throwing a beer bottle through his car window because he owed him money (trial pending).

A judge once called him a “one man crime wave” and I would say that seems fairly accurate.

Henry is suspended the first 4 games of this season. I sincerely hope Roger Goodell suspends him permanently if he gets arrested again.

Henry says he plans to clean up his act.

These are certainly strange days when I actually believe that Adam (Pacman) Jones is more intent on cleaning up his act that Chris Henry.

Unfortunately for Henry I feel like that seems to be the case.

This whole story speaks volumes to how the Bengals organization is run.

Carson Palmer will probably get the hell out of there as soon as possible. That is a franchise that looked like it would turn a corner. Clearly once Palmer was hurt, that never happened.

I’ve heard stories from people about how dysfunctional that organization is. Supposedly nobody gets along. Coach Marvin Lewis is a complete joke and it also seems clear that even if Marvin Lewis was trying to put his foot down about Henry, the ownership is too stupid to accept it.

Horrible situation.

Do any Bengals fans really think that Chris Henry is the missing link there? 

Is Chris Henry going to make their defense better?

This is why the Bengals will end up 6-10 or 7-9 in 2008. Bad ownership, bad management, bad coaching, no chemistry.

Jemele Hill and Don Imus Should Probably Do a Radio Show Together.

I wasn’t aware of the initial Don Imus Pacman Jones comments.

That might be because I a) don’t like to listen to old men who mumble “crazy” things. b) WE AREN’T CALLING HIM PACMAN ANYMORE! ITS ADAM. ADAM! SHOW SOME RESPECT TO ADAM JONES BITCH!!!!

But apparently Don Imus is attempting to be the Morrissey of the 2000′s (aka Big Mouth Strikes Again).

Imus made some jokes about how ADAM Jones was only arrested six times in the last two years because he is black. Then today made some comment about how “HE WAS BEING SARCASTIC! IT WAS A JOKE!!”. I don’t think the “IT WAS A JOKE” defense worked out for him last time (ahem, “Nappy Headed-Hos” offense).

According to the Associated Press, this is what Jones had to say:

“I’m truly upset about the comments,” Jones said. “Obviously Mr. Imus has problems with African-Americans. I’m upset, and I hope the station he works for handles it accordingly. I will pray for him.”

I mean, I know he made it rain and took it back, acted a fool, is responsible (indirectly) for some guy being paralyzed and who knows what else…But that comment made me respect the new Adam Jones just a little bit. There’s nothing more entertaining than a guy involved in a melee at a strip club saying he’ll pray for a racist (or at least very very confused) talk show host.

What confuses me the most about this is, don’t you think Imus would have just avoided all racial issues for at least a few years? Can’t he just share his equally “ridiculous” beliefs about everything BUT race for 5 or so years until people start to sort of forget about the whole Rutgers offensive? At the very least, he has AGAIN displayed HORRENDOUS judgement.

And SPEAKING of horrendous judgement, Jemele Hill wrote an apology of sorts today for her “rooting for the Celtics is like rooting for Hitler” comments from an article she wrote as a preview for the NBA Finals.

Red’s Army has been covering this story for the last couple of weeks. But Jemele apparently thought it would be all right if she dropped an H-bomb in her latest opus about race and sports. Here is the excerpt:

“Rooting for the Celtics is like saying Hitler was a victim. It’s like hoping Gorbachev would get to the blinking red button before Reagan.”

Really?

Because the last time I checked rooting for ANY sports team is NOTHING LIKE SAYING HITLER WAS A VICTIM!!!

I could have been personally offended by this lapse in judgement, but I’m from Boston, I’m an open-minded person, so I chose to let it pass, I didn’t even write any angry letters or anything and I refrained from covering it at all until this point.

However, painting all people of one city with a brush that large is highly irritating. Yes, I’m aware that Boston has historically been shitty to minorities. And yes, I’m aware that the owners of the Boston Red Sox were giant racists (I’m sure the karma from this had more to do with the Sox not winning a World Series from 1918 to 2004 more than any Babe Ruth curse). But let’s go over some of the good things Boston has done historically in sports:

The Celtics drafted the first ever African American player (Chuck Cooper) in the NBA.

The Celtics had the first ever African American starting 5 in the NBA.

The Celtics had the first ever African American Head Coach in the NBA.

Aside from these things, Boston is not the same city it was even as recently as the mid-90′s. This is a city that loves its sports heros regardless of race or ethnicity.

Yes, there are some close-minded assholes here. But if you can find me a city where there AREN’T any, please let me know and I will gladly buy a plane ticket and make an appointment with a realtor out there immediately. Thanks.

Anyway, I have nothing personal against Jemele Hill. I don’t really think she is much of a writer but I think that takes a lot of time. I don’t think she is a horrible person. And I accept her apology along with the suspension (which was certainly fair).

Either way, I do feel her editor probably should have seen the word “Hitler” and said “Nah, I don’t think we’re running this with a Hitler joke”.