To Love And Feel No Love (To Be A Fan).

It’s a funny thing being a sports fan. 

Every time I try to quantify it or measure why it matters or why I care, I really have a hard time putting it into words.

What does your local team winning a championship mean really, at the end of the day?

When I was a kid I thought that it always meant that the team that won was the best city in the country somehow. That in some way, when the Blue Jays won the World Series back to back when I was young, Toronto was actually a better city than anywhere in America. 

From the outside, I had a lot of envy for the successful cities. 

I hated Dallas. I hated the Cowboys because of how great they were, but more-so because of how arrogant they seemed (and their fans seemed). 

Dallas winning Superbowl after Superbowl only served to further the notion that where I was living was one of the worst places in the country. The Patriots were horrible at best, the Red Sox were one year of futility after another, the Bruins were always good but could never get it done and the Celtics just always seemed like a team that’s glory days were over when I was just a baby. 

“You should have seen them when Larry was playing.” my Dad would always say. 

To put it into perspective, the day Larry Bird announced his retirement, my family was on vacation at a log cabin in New Hampshire. I had wandered into the woods and my Mom was ready to kill me when I came back an hour or so later. Because I was like 7 or 8. When I came back inside, my Dad was listening to the radio. He told me Larry Bird was retired. I had no idea what that really meant. 

I know it might seem like an odd time to reflect on this. The Boston Red Sox are in the ALCS. The Patriots rebounded big against the 49ers. The Bruins might even be strong this season. And the Celtics are coming off their first Championship in two decades.

For me, this is like living a dream.

But a lot of things happen when your city starts winning championships.

It is way harder to get tickets, for starters.

Even if you can still get tickets, the prices go way up. 

Everyone in all of those other cities starts hating your teams. Some of them (the ones who still haven’t figured out as I did as a kid, that winning a championship does not make your city more important or better somehow) hate your city.

But the worst, by far, is that something that was once so personally your own becomes a commodity for everyone.

It is sort of like when your favorite band that you have been following and listening to for 5 years all of the sudden has a crossover hit on the radio. They aren’t yours anymore. They aren’t some secret that only you know about.

Secrets aside, something you spent so much time invested in and so much time thinking about and talking about (and writing about) is instantly accessible by everyone. They don’t have to work to find the band. They don’t get to see them grow gradually. They weren’t there when they were playing to 15 people at TT The Bears or The Met Cafe. 

But now, because they are so clearly not your own anymore, you can’t even see them without going to some arena (where you pay 18 times as much to see something that was yours before that hit single).

Some people get bitter.

I’ve cared about sports my whole life.

Even when I was 16-18 and thought I wasn’t allowed to care about sports and music at the same time (for some reason…) I couldn’t resist watching the Red Sox or Patriots or Celtics. I actively tried not to care that much. But I couldn’t just stop being myself. 

The question is, why do we care?

In Boston right now, there’s nothing unique about being a sports fan. Everyone is a Boston sports fan. Even people who wouldn’t have been caught dead watching a Red Sox game 6 years ago. But I don’t watch sports to be unique.

Being a sports fan is expensive. You are constantly spending money to go to games, for cable (I really probably would not have cable if not for the Celtics, Red Sox, Patriots, Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, HGTV, Food Network, Bruins and ESPN [in that order]) to buy merchandise…etc. 

Buying tickets is never a problem to me. I go to games with my girlfriend or sister or best friends. Really, it isn’t that much more expensive than going to a movie or going out to dinner ($10 Celtics tickets are cheaper in both cases, and also way more fun). 

Cable is nice.

And the merchandise trap is something I generally avoid. Or anyway did a great job avoiding until the 2007-2008 Celtics season.

There was something about that team that changed me as a fan. It wasn’t that they were winning. I’ve experienced a lot of winning teams over the last 8 years. It was something else. 

Maybe it was redemption. Maybe it was that (unlike the Red Sox) I could remember the exact day everything changed for the Celtics. I could remember where I was and what I was doing and all of the nightmares that followed (Reggie Lewis’ death, years of futility, Rick Pitino, Antoine Walker). 

Something about seeing my team. A team that I was raised on. A team I was brought up to love, finally get better or at least have a serious chance, made me feel different.

When I bought a Rondo shirt at the first game I went to in 2007, I felt great about it. I would wear it on game days and it made me feel happy. Just wearing a stupid shirt. I bought more Celtics shirts as I went to more games and I always wore one on a game day all season long. I’m not exaggerating. Just wearing the Celtics colors made me happier. Listening to “Roc Boys” or “Ayo Technology” (two songs the Celtics played during warm-ups at the Garden all season) in the gym gave me more energy and made me run faster and work harder. Knowing I had the pleasure to watch them (on TV or in person) helped me get through even the toughest winter days. 

I tried to explain it in my season ending column after the parade in June. I don’t know if I did.

I love the Celtics. I love this core of players. I love the way they play. I love the way they act together. I love that I am living through some new “good old days” because there was a while, most of my life, that I never thought I would. 

But for all of the love I have for the Boston Celtics, they don’t even know I exist. I don’t say that to be dramatic. It is just a simple fact. I am just a credit card number on some gate receipts to them. 

That is all that fans are to their teams really.

We watch, we buy, we digest, we discuss and we get nothing tangible in return.

It is the most beautiful and horrible unrequited love there is.

How can you love something that doesn’t love you back?

Maybe this is a question better suited for a priest, a rabbi and a philosophy professor but I think I get it now.

Maybe they don’t know who I am, but when I think about them, it can make me feel happier. I can think about some great moments and smile. If I’m having a terrible day at work, I can look at the calendar and say ‘at least the Celtics are on tonight’. They are always there. They were a part of my Grandfather’s life and are a part of my Father’s life and will be a part of my kid’s lives one day as well. They inform the way we meet and interact with the people around us. They link us to complete strangers. They give us something to talk about when there is nothing to talk about.

Being a fan means that you believe in something. Something that can lift you up and something that can crush you. But just like anything else, there is always another chance, another opportunity in the future.

The simplest way to explain why I love sports is that it always gives me something to look forward to.

Like most people, I think I want to believe in something. And believing in the Celtics means a lot. 

Tonight was their first pre-season game. Towards the end of the first half rookie Bill Walker got an alley oop dunk that was outstanding. two possessions later, he followed it by dunking in traffic. On the bench, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo and everyone else went crazy as if it were a playoff game.

It gives me hope. Some people get to do what they love for a living and sometimes we’re lucky enough to watch them or see them or listen to them or hear about them.

Maybe you think I’m just a crazy obsessive fan or that I’m oversimplifying something that is very complex or that I’m making something that is very simple out to be this big important thing…the thing about believing and loving anything is that it is personal. No matter who else loves it or who else has loved it, the way you feel about it and the way it affects and informs you is uniquely your own. 

One of my co-workers told me she was moving to the North End a couple months back and I told her “I wish I lived in the North End. I’d be closer to the Celtics there.” This was probably in August, so she gave me a puzzled look and laughed a little.

For whatever reason it makes me happier that this team exists. They won’t be this great forever but that is like everything else in life. I will enjoy this and never take it for granted for a second. 

It doesn’t matter that they don’t know me or that we don’t have a direct relationship or communication.

I believe in them. I appreciate everything they do. And as a result, even when they lose and I’m disappointed, it is a passing feeling. Because there is always another opportunity in the future. And sometimes just knowing that is enough to carry you through the hard times.

Patriots Pick On 49ers.

I gave Matt Cassel a lot of shit after the Miami game. He was managing the game poorly and didn’t seem to be able to get the offense into any sort of tempo in that match up. When he got hit, it looked like he internally decided he was done and his attitude seemed to change for the worse (along with the attitudes of other teammates) after the first quarter.

For all that I was down on him against the Dolphins, Cassel definitely seemed a lot more confident and able to lead in yesterday’s win in San Francisco.

It wasn’t just the passes (which did look a little better than usual. Cassel seemed to be throwing crisp passes to open men, he scarcely threw into coverage and even though he paid for it when he did, that is still a  good thing when you escape with the win, because Belichick will put even more emphasis on the needfor Cassel to find the open man), it was the all around game management. When Cassel was going to get sacked, more often than not, he accepted it and went down and didn’t try to be a hero (which caused turnovers and pain in the Miami game). Cassel didn’t waste timeouts trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. Even the look on his face during the game was more relaxed and confident.

I know San Francisco probably isn’t winning any playoff games this season, but the way the NFL looks in 2008, who knows.

It was a very good effort by the Patriots. They were largely able to shut down Frank Gore (which is a nice warm up for LT) and even though they still seem to have trouble finishing the sack (this happened at least 4 times in yesterday’s game. They broke through the line and no one blitzing was either fast enough or strong enough to take down O’Sullivan. it is absolutely infuriating.) the defense didn’t look like fish in a barrel. For the most part.

The offensive line actually looked a little stronger against the 49ers than they did against the Dolphins. It also seemed like there was a lot more rotation going into it. Maybe Belichick has acknowledged that the Patriots O-line seems to be patchwork at best and that it is time he tries some back ups.

Laurence Maroney still looks like shit. I honestly don’t think very much of Maroney. He has a few good games a season inexplicably but most of the time he doesn’t accelerate well, he doesn’t make great cuts, he doesn’t have great top speed, he can’t catch the ball, he’s always injured and he gets stuffed all the time.

I really do believe that Kevin Faulk, Sammy Morris and Lamont Jordan are all better #1 options than Maroney.

Oh, and if one more person calls Wes Welker Wes “Walker” as he was called about 39 times in yesterday’s game, I swear, I’m watching the rest of the season on mute. What kind of asshoel can’t pronounce “Welker”. YOU SAY IT EXACTLY THE WAY IT IS SPELLED! ASSHOLE!

Troy Brown Retires.

Troy Brown announced his retirement today.

He spent his entire career with the Patriots and was a true fan favorite. There was just something about Troy Brown that people loved.

I think a lot of it was that he was an everyman. Or as close to an ‘everyman’ as a professional athlete can be. Troy Brown always seemed to be playing as hard as he could on the field. He was always reliable to come up in big situations.

But he wasn’t built for football.

At 5′ 10″, 190 lbs., Brown was about the same size as any wide receiver on your high school’s varsity team. He wasn’t an imposing guy. He wasn’t a an amazing physical specimen. He was just a guy like any other average guy off the street who worked hard at what he did to improve himself. 

In his line of work, had to work twice as hard his whole life to even get noticed.

Say what you will about Boston sports fans, but I think that we truly identify with guys like that.

The reason why everyone has always loved Troy Brown is the same reason why everyone loves Wes Welker and Dustin Pedroia.

These guys are proof that you can get what what you put in. Something I realized when I was a kid and loved Troy Brown.

Brown was drafted by the Patriots in 1993. He was an 8th round pick from Marshall.

Let me restate that: Brown was selected in a round of the NFL draft that doesn’t exist anymore, from a college that was Division 1AA at the time.

Over the course of his career he caught 557 passes (a Patriots record) for 6,366 yards (2nd in franchise history). He had 31 TDs. He also had some huge catches that lead the Patriots to 3 Superbowls.

But these are far from Hall Of Fame statistics.

Brown never won  MVP. He only made the Pro Bowl once. He wasn’t the best receiver in the NFL ever in his career (the only time he was even close to the top 10 was 2001, his Pro Bowl season).

But #80 should be retired at Gillette Stadium.

When a player unselfishly gives his entire career to an organization, is a leader on the field and in the locker room, is willing to play anywhere the team needs him to play (he spent a lot of time playing Cornerback and working on special teams at the end of his career) and helps take the team to the Superbowl 5 times in his career, how could you not retire his number?

There are some teams that retire too many numbers (Celtics), while others retire too few (Red Sox). I understand the reasoning behind both.

Retiring a  number at a team’s stadium is a great honor for a player, second only to being in the Hall Of Fame. 

But I sort of feel like being retired at the stadium is an honor that should be reserved for guys who gave everything they had to a specific team for their entire career.

Troy Brown isn’t going to Canton.

But how could the Patriots organization ignore a guy with his heart?

If anything, I feel like being retired in your home stadium should be an honor given only to those who wouldn’t be remembered anywhere else.

When Tom Brady retires, he’ll go to Canton. Everyone will know his name in 50 years. He doesn’t need to be remembered in the Patriots Stadium to be remembered in general. Kids who are going to be born in New England in 2015 will grow up hearing stories about Tom Brady and the glory days of the Patriots.

Troy Brown is retired and 50 years from now, only those of us who had the privilige of watching him play will remember everything he did for the Patriots.

How could you not retire #80? 

Some things go deeper than stats.

Thanks for all the memories Troy.

Brett Favre Wants Back In

According to multiple source Brett Favre is thinking about un-retiring and re-joining the Packers.

Bad idea.

This is probably one of the biggest non-stories there is. ESPN reported it in April and then again in May, so I’m not surprised to hear it again now.

Thing is, Favre retired because he said he wasn’t really willing to go through all of the emotional and physical preparation it takes to play a full season of NFL football. I can understand that. He’s getting older. Obviously that is bound to happen.

I can also understand not wanting to depart from something you’ve been doing your entire life. Especially when you think  you can still perform at a high level.

I’m not saying its easy to retire and that he should just do it and shut up.

…but it would be nice if he did…

Favre led the Packers to 2 Superbowls, 1 of which they won (against my beloved Drew Bledsoe, Terry Glenn, Curtis Martin Patriots). He’s won MVPs, he’s well liked, he has all the fame in the World and he can sell my Wrangler jeans any day of the week.

He just needs to move on.

Its over Brett.

Don’t end your career like Dan Marino or Joe Montana. Just leave on a high note. Stay out.

Willie Andrews Has Been Cut.

I’m always happy when the Patriots take my advice.

This was the only way.

As I said yesterday, this type of allegation, even if it was somehow exaggerated (like for example if he only was waving a gun around and threatening his wife as opposed to pointing it at her…yeah…that’s uhhh..not as bad…) it is still completely inexcusable behavior that should absolutely not be tolerated.

Nice job Pats.

Lakers Prepare For 18-1dom

 

Paul Pierce can be absolutely brilliant from time to time.

Game 7 against Cleveland he blew up at the right time.

Game 6 against Detroit he held his ground after a terrible offensive foul call (that easily COULD HAVE been a 4 point play) and piled it on in the 4th quarter.

Against the Lakers, I get the feeling Boston is going to need some shovels. They will have to dig in and grind it out like they did against Detroit in games 5 and 6 every single game.

I agree with Bill Simmons’ sentiment about wanting to be the “Nobody Thought We Could Do It” team. Nobody wants to be the “everybody knew we could do it” team.

If there is one good thing that came from the Patriots falling apart in the Superbowl, its the term “18-1″. No, not in the way people use it to taunt Patriot’s fans.

I have adopted the term to mean “when an entity’s extreme overconfidence in its inevitable success leads to its ultimate downfall”. Used in a sentence “man, I totally thought I was gonna bang that girl but it seemed like she knew I knew it and she started acting all weird. I pulled a total 18-1″. Or maybe “I’m a straight A student so i didn’t think I should bother trying to study for the SAT but when I got my score back it was a 790. 18-1.” It just seems fitting in certain situations.

The Patriots lost the Superbowl because they didn’t execute, Bill Belichick mysteriously decided to make the strangest play calls ever and they just seemed to be way out of gas.

Leading up to the Superbowl, everyone in this area of the country had already been celebrating like the Patriots won it already. People were already calling Belichick the greatest coach of all time, Tom Brady better than Joe Montana. The hype machine went crazy. And people started to BELIEVE the hype machine.

The Giants catch some luck, the Patriots eat some shit and the Superbowl is over.

I felt like I might have been the only person who was a nervous wreck going into the Superbowl. The Patriots had squeaked by for weeks. The Giants had all the momentum in the world, they didn’t peak early in the season, they played hard all year and came into the Superbowl knowing they could win even though no one else did.

And now I present to you, the 2008 Los Angeles Lakers.

A team that has the MVP. A Legendary coach. Some older guys who have been around. Some younger guys who don’t know their place yet. A high price player they bought to win (for almost nothing). A fan base that has already crowned them.

Does any of that sound familiar at all??????

The 2007-08 Lakers are the same team as the 2007-08 New England Patriots.

The Celtics and the Giants…well…lets see…

A coach who everyone laughs at due to his general badness most of the time and inability to get it done, a series of veteran players who have a chance to step up like they have never had before in their entire career, a couple of young guys in crucial positions who can make or break the team, role players GALORE (David Tyree anyone?).

I’m just hoping for the sake of my stomach that the Celtics sweep (yikes!).

But the key seems to be Ray Allen and Paul Pierce. Those guys need it. Arm sock and all.

And then when the Lakers are walking off the court in LA after the Celtics win it in 5, the crowd can chant “18-1″, “18-1″ at the new chokers.

I’m dreaming hard here…

 

Nick Kaczur Wears A Wire, Gets Arrested By Jimmy McNulty, Bubbles Sues For Character Infrigement

I’m sure everyone has heard about this by now.

Nick Kaczur has never been in any legal trouble before. I’m glad he cooperated with investigators…I guess…but I think the massive amount of criticism this is generating for the Patriots is unfortunate.

Everyone hates the Patriots.

The great thing about it is that because so much vitriol is directed at the Pats and their fans, they all get to walk around with a chip on their shoulder.

I can honestly say, ever since the “Spygate” backlash, I do not care to have any empathy for the fans of any other teams in football. I don’t have to. They hate me. If their kicker gets drunk and murders half their offensive line I don’t actually have to feel any remorse for fans of that team at all.

I mean, I’m not a moron or a jerk, so obviously I would. BUT SO MANY SPORTS FANS ARE JERKS!!!

Its hard to be a position where everyone hates your team, everyone, and you don’t really support their bad decision making, but they’re still you’re team and you’ve been a fan since you were born so its not like you can stop caring about them.

Being a fan of the Patriots right now is like having a rich drug addict uncle who supports you financially. You can’t abandon him, he’s your family. But he makes things so awkward. But it pays to be around him. Your life is enjoyable. You reap the benefits from being around him, but sometimes he’s just so weird. And the neighbors hate you. Bad situation.

But I love the Patriots. I loved them when I was a kid and Starter jackets were huge and in Rhode Island, you literally COULD NOT find a Patriots jacket because they were so unpopular. Every store had racks and racks of Niners and Cowboys and even Bills and Dolphins and Jets jackets (DIVISION RIVALS!!!). But you just couldn’t find a Patriots jacket anywhere. Those were the years where they were guaranteed to win 4 games.

I remember when they finally, somehow, made it to the Superbowl when I was in 6th grade. I also remember that more than half of my six grade class were Packers “fans” (note also that roughly 3/4 of the Elementary school were Yankee “fans” as well) and taunted me for believing in the doomed Patriots (even then I had to get myself psyched up and talk myself into it to think they had a chance in hell).

Quick side note, this is why kids are assholes. Or maybe, this is the point in life at which you can tell if a kid will grow up to be an asshole or not.

Kids just like teams that win. They are still learning about sports and want to root for the best team. If they have parents who aren’t strong supporters of a particular team or set of teams, they might turn out wrong.

Back in 7th grade, I knew a kid who was a huge Bengals fan, and I noted that he was an exception to the rule, because, although he rooted for a team NOT from where he grew up, he selected a team that he liked and followed them through good times and bad times (and back in the late 90′s they were almost all bad times for the Bengals). 

But the typical 8-13 year old kid is going to follow whatever team is winning at that point. Then, because nothing lasts long these days, they don’t know what to do with themselves when their “team” becomes crappy (remember the band-wagon that went up in flames in Dallas starring Quincy Carter? Suddenly I knew a lot fewer Cowboys fans…hmmmm….) and they either follow a new popular team or in the event the home teams suddenly become successful…

THEY PRETEND THEY WERE ALWAYS FANS! Making them giant assholes.

When the Patriots got good when I was in high school, all of the sudden the people who made fun of me for being a Patriots, Celtics, Red Sox, Bruins fan (in that order) my whole life growing up, were proudly wearing their “New England Patriots 2002 Superbowl Champions” hats around. I punched each one of them in the face (in my mind).

And now they’re great. And its like hanging out with a rich drug addict uncle.

I just want to make it clear that Nick Kaczur is no Pacman Jones or Chris Henry or Michael Vick. He may have some problems, but they don’t involve strippers, beating people or killing animals. So please stop the comparisons.

Football players will continue to be football players.

And being a Patriots fan gets stranger every day.