Hal Steinbrenner Wants C.C. Sabathia RIGHT NOW.

Is there any group of people in the World more loathsome than the Steinbrenner family?

Honestly, as a Red Sox fan with common sense, I’ve never really had an extreme hatred for many Yankees players (Roger Clemens aside). I always liked Joe Torre, I never understood how Derek Jeter can run the bases with all of the Sports Media living in his jock strap but I never really bothered hating him, A-Rod I almost feel bad for in a way and he’s sort of just a clown, Always respected Giambi…etc.

But the fucking Steinbrenners? Even Yankees fans know that those people are the scum of the Earth. They embody everything people hate about rich people. They are greedy, they’re whiney, they complain about every little fucking thing to the media. They just fucking suck.

Hal Steinbrenner and Hank Steinbrenner are no different.

Said Hal about C.C. Sabathia:

“We’ve made him an offer. It’s not going to be there forever,”

Really? That sounds pretty familiar. I seem to recall the Yankees revoking their offer to A-Rod last season as well…

He might as well have said:

I want the world
I want the whole world
I want to lock it all up in my pocket
It’s my bar of chocolate
Give it to me Now!

Just look at that picture of him up there. Does that not scream douche bag? He looks like he’s tired from having to constantly yell “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!?!” at everyone he encounters.

“You call this a limo? THIS HAS FUCKING LEATHER SEATING! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!?!? No Steinbrenner rides in leather FUCKING seating you dumb fucking twerp. I’ve taken shits that are worth more than you! I want a limo with DIAMOND seating. That’s right. I WANT TO FUCKING SIT IN A LIMO MADE OF DIAMONDS! What do you mean you can’tmake that happen? Listen Juan, get me that fucking limo or you’ll be back in- Oh your name isn’t Juan? HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT A STEINBRENNER YOU FUCKING SHIT-STAIN! Do you know who I AM? HAL FUCKING STEINBRENNER THAT’S WHO! I DON’T LEARN THE NAMES OF stupid fucking PEASANTS! I AM ROYALTY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

C.C. Sabathia Is Out Of His Mind

After a start that looked bad, like 2007 Roger Clemens bad, C.C. Sabathia has gone 7-0 since being traded to the Brewers, the Brewers have won 8 in a row and somehow Sabathia has a total record of 13-8 this season with a combined ERA of 3.04 and 183 Ks.

Since being traded C.C. has had an ERA of 1.55. That is through 8 starts (64 innings). Absurd.

The Brewers have 41 games left. That averages out to Sabathia starting 8 more games. Can he win 7 of 8? That is an important question because:

Sabathia won the Cy Young last season and here are his stats from 2007:

19-7 in 34 Starts. 4 Complete games. 1 Shutout. 241 innings pitched. Gave up 238 hits. 94 Runs. 209 Ks. 3.21 ERA. 1.141 WHIP.

Sabathia’s stats from 2008 (with about 8 starts left):

13-8 in 26 starts. 7 Complete games. 4 Shutouts. 186.3 innings pitched. Given up 166 hits. 67 Runs. 183 Ks. 3.04 ERA. 1.143 WHIP.

If Sabathia ends up going 17-10, regardless of other stats, he won’t win the Cy Young.

But, if he can win 6 or 7 more of his starts…Who knows.

He will easily surpass his K total from last year. Should finish with a better ERA and WHIP. It would be hard not to give him strong consideration if he finishes with a 19-8 or 20-9 record.

Then he will immediately end up signing with the Yankees…

Clemens. Starbury. Boobie Gibson. Gang Signs. Celtics Bench. And 101 Other Things I Can Complain About.

Roger Clemens is an idiot.

Kirk Radmonski is a loser (PS, I have never met a Kirk I trusted. Be it Kirk Radmonski or Kirk Cameron…None of them can babysit my kids).

Apparently Radmonski not only uses invoices for his illegal drug enterprises, but he files them accordingly, under his TV.Also, when the FBI searched his house they couldn’t find that shit. but they turned up now. Uhhh….Ok.

Radmonski is a tool. Clemens is an arrogant piece of shit. I hate everything.

Stephon Marbury might be headed out of New York. Or at least that’s the speculation right now. If Starbury somehow ends up on the Celtics, he better be playing for a $20 pair of Starbury’s every night because I swear if Danny Ainge pays him $25 million for 4 years (or anything remotely close to it) I will go to every Celtics game just to boo Danny Ainge.

What the hell are the Celtics doing? Darius Miles? Stephon Marbury? Is Kenny Anderson available? Vin Baker? Seriously…?

And the lack of SG/SF on the bench is horrific. JR Giddens better be tough and great because they are essentially asking him to carry that role right now. I’m sure they’ll get SOMEONE else…but right now, that is a big big big hole. What happens if Pierce or Ray gets hurt? What are they gonna do, go big and throw out a starting lineup of Garnett, Ray, Leon Powe, Perk and Rondo? What if BOTH Ray and Pierce are hurt at any point? You got this lineup: KG, Powe, Perk, Rondo, Big Baby. YIKES. Not that I don’t love the C’s bench…but…

Has anyone else noticed that they only seem to be looking into Centers and Power Forwards? What the shit is that?

Boobie Gibson is going back to Cleveland…where he alone is again expected to carry the Cavs with LeBron. Right. If I were a Cavs fan I would be furious. They just don’t seem to be trying to get better EVER. Shake things up. You have one of the best players in the NBA. Make some moves. Get him some pieces. Get him a coach. Idiots.

In the moronic department, the NFL has decided to pay some jackass to pick up on players using gang signs in their celebrations. Fucking dumb.

This was brought on by the Paul Pierce thing. Dumb dumb dumb. Maybe the NFL should not allow gang members in the league or in the locker rooms. Maybe that should be a greater concern…or a primary concern anyway. Maybe the NFL should make an effort to not allow players to use HGH. This is so stupid I’m going to puke in the gutter outside my office.

Really, the Celtics chances of repeating just went down about 10% at least. Without Posey, they lose a great defender and shooter. They don’t have ANYONE experienced on the bench who can do the things Posey did. JR Giddens now has the world on his shoulders. I’ve heard he is really tough…but I don’t think he’s Posey tough. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. The Celtics really could have used Corey Maggette. Now that they have a little space, I hope they make Eddie House a serious type of offer and sign a swing man. Eddie House was a nice shooter off the bench as well. Horrible. What kind of shooters do they have on the bench now? Is Leon Powe gonna hit any 3′s? What about Pruitt? What about Big Baby? Scal? Is Scal going to be a lights out long range shooter off the bench? No? Ok. Cool.

2008 All Star Game Was Long. Papelbon’s Wife Felt Threatened. The Opening Ceremony Wasn’t That Great. Dan Uggla Sucked. JD Drew Won MVP. (Really). Justin Morneau Wins Again.

Well…it had a lot of…stuff.

15 Innings of pain. Almost 5 hours long (and the extended commercial breaks didn’t help that). The AL wins again, against all odds, Justin Morneau scored the winning run (this guy was clearly All Star Week MVP) and was classy as ever in his interviews when they asked him how he felt that Yankee Stadium decided not to have someone perform “O Canada” and they just played it through a tape deck instead.

I’m inclined to agree that the opening ceremony wasn’t really as special as the one at Fenway Park. I mean, its not entirely the Yankees organization’s fault. had they hosted one in 1990 or so they could have had Mantle and DiMaggio there which would have been really really special.

Like the Red Sox or not Ted Williams is iconic. The guy was absolutely a man of his generation and one of the greatest hitters of all time. He played the game right every day. Obviously the exact same statement can be made of Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle.

But let’s face it, the Yankees organization went through some rough times after 1979 that really didn’t end until around 1996. That’s almost 20 years without a title, they only made one ALCS in that span…A little rough…As is bound to happen to all teams every couple generations.

I guess, the thing is, having Ted Williams at Fenway was just a throwback to an old generation of baseball. The Yankees could have Reggie Jackson, and that’s certainly a throwback…but its not the same…yet. its like…Dave Winfield and Don Mattingly just don’t have the same sort of cache.

As a Red Sox fan, I would even say the same thing about Yaz at this point. Having him at the All Star Game is special, but he wouldn’t be the guest of honor the way a Ted Williams or Mickey Mantle or Joe DiMaggio or Babe Ruth or Lou Gehrig would be. I think a lot of that has to do with time removed from greatness and just the passing of time…but its still true I guess. People just don’t seem like living legends when they aren’t old…maybe…

But anyway, having George Steinbrenner as the centerpiece for a ceremony, yeah I know he’s been a part of the organization forever. He’s important. Sure. But…He’s not a living legend. He’s a guy who has big demands and loves baseball. Its a nice gesture for sure. But it just didn’t resonate with me at all. Especially after all of the stories I’ve heard. Stories that are completely the opposite of the ones you would hear about DiMaggio or Ted Williams.

So…there’s that.

It was funny to think about Bud Selig shitting his pants. Which I hope he did. 10 times over.

Dan Uggla had an “Ugly Game”!! HAHA! I’m SOOOO CLEVER!! What a stupid headline. That guy must hate everything.

And JD Drew won MVP. I don’t know when I started living in a parallel universe, but its warm here and I don’t mind that much. Maybe it was when the Bruins took the Canadiens to 7 games and all of Boston went hockey crazy for the first time since the late 90′s. Maybe that was it…

JD Drew has become quite a contributor for the Red Sox. I really think it all started with that Home Run in the playoffs last year. People started to warm up to him. You can now safely wear a JD Drew Jersey shirt in Fenway Park without people throwing shit at you. (True story, I was at a Red Sox/Angels game last August and this guy in my row was wearing a JD Drew shirt. People were ripping him apart. The whole game people from all around us were shit talking him and telling him they were gonna kick his ass-I’m not exaggerating here at all, Kyley can back this up-So its like the 8th and JD improbably hits a home run, the dude stands up and goes crazy and starts shit talking EVERYONE in the section, takes off his shirt, starts swinging it around and then gets ejected by security. Yup. These are the friendly Fenway confines.)

And you know what’s nice? ESPN waited until this morning to continue their quest to bury Roger Clemens. I mean, Clemens is maybe the biggest asshole in sports, don’t get me wrong…but is there any storyline that is less interesting at this point? Unless we find out he was ALSO running like a prostitution ring and ilegally importing girls from Russia or something, this story is dead. Just let me know when he’s sentenced to probation or  banned from baseball or whatever. Thanks.

But I would watch a reality show where Clemens and Bonds had to share a jail cell. That would be hilarious. Not because I think they both deserve to rot in jail, I mean, I think people who beat their wives or shoot people at night clubs or drunkenly crash their cars into people killing them deserve to rot in jail. Clemens and Bonds? That would be a waste of taxpayer money. Knock them down a few notches, move on. Whatever.

Anyway, if Clemens and Bonds were put in a reality TV-type situation, it would be like that Corey and Corey show, but with people who have even more inflated egos and they wouldn’t even LIKE each other. I hope VH1 is reading this and pitching it right now. Especially since both of them could be in financial trouble by the time this is all over…

And finally, I guess some moronic fans were taunting Papelbon and his wifeduring that Red Carpet event last night. This is sort of low. Not that some Red Sox fans wouldn’t resort to the same nonsense if Jeter was on a red carpet at Fenway, but its the frigging All Star Game. Let it go for one night. You play on the same team. I mean, i don’t actually have anything really invested in the All Star Game, like, I guess I want the AL to win since I’m a Red Sox fan…but I just want to be entertained for the most part. That’s why I wouldn’t mind if they started using aluminum bats and tennis balls…but anyway…I mean…in theory…or…I guess when I was a kid and I did feel a strong allegiance to the AL, I would absolutely root for Yankee players on the All Star team even if I hated them the rest of the season. Same team. Let it go.

I’m not saying Papelbon doesn’t have a horrible case of foot in mouth syndrome. But…

I mean, if Arod wasn’t a billionaire, I would have nothing but pity for him right now. Forget that he’s on the Yankees. He just seems like an awkward guy who just does one thing really well. He doesn’t strike me as a particularly horrible human being. I kind of feel sorry for him. People’s divorce issues and shit really shouldn’t be all over every paper and he sort of brought it on himself with the whole Madonna thing.

But anyway, I don’t think the Red Carpet thing is really the best idea. The average sports fan is probably too much of a misanthrope to deal with it. If it were ONLY players who were on the carpet, fine. But players and their families? That’s not a situation anyone would really want to be in. You really want your little kids and wife to hear some drunk asshole call you names because of what company youw ork for? Come on. Stupid. Just put it in the perspective of “if baseball was an office job, here’s what it would be like” and you can see how truly moronic it really is.

Also, let’s resume this season. C.C. Sabathia still has a shot at hitting 45 Home Runs.

The Incredible Hulk or Marvel’s Allegory Of Professional Baseball

Bud Selig should go see “The Incredible Hulk”. 

Maybe he doesn’t need to see it. He’s already lived through it.

You see, there’s a certain character in the movie (notice I didn’t use the word ‘film’ here) named General Thaddeus Thunderbolt Ross. Now let’s suspend the disbelief of Bud Selig having the nickname ‘thunderbolt’ for a second (if you’re going to follow me on this one, or see “The Incredible Hulk” you’re going to have to suspend disbelief a hell of a lot, so you might as well start now). 

General Ross is a man who created a monster. Well…he didn’t actually create it. He sort of facilitated its creation. You see a different man, Bruce Banner, created the monster. Bruce was just an average guy, working an average guy job in a science lab when one day he stumbled across something truly amazing. He figured out that if he spliced some chemicals together and injected them into people he might be able to give them superhuman capabilities. 

Now, being that General Ross really wanted to stay ahead of the other professional sports…I mean…Russians…He embraced this medical advancement and allowed average ballplayer…I mean scientist…Bruce Bannister to inject himself with the serum. Make sense?

Well of course, shit spiraled out of control. Nobody knows who to trust anymore, the government is looking for this superhuman because he’s breaking all sorts of laws and General Selig is wishing he never messed with shit to begin with (all while self righteously figuring that none of it is really his fault. Its not like he injected anyone with that serum that made them way bigger and hit more home runs and save professional baseball…I mean…the American Military). 

Meanwhile, General Thaddeus Thunderbolt Bud Selig Ross decides he needs help suppressing this monster that has overtaken everything he holds near and dear (that he invited into his life mind you) so he decides to enlist a foreigner named Emil Blonsky. 

Trouble is, Emil also LOVES the serum.

Here’s a quick scene from the movie:

Scientist Guy: Emil, do you have any idea what this could do to you?

Emil: I’ll bend over. Just stick it in my ass.

Scientist Guy: But Emil, you’ve already taken small doses. isn’t that enough?

Emil: IT’LL BE ENOUGH WHEN I HIT 162 HOME RUNS A SEASON NOW STICK IT IN MY ASS CHEEK PENCIL NECK!!I’!

Greg Anderson I mean…Scientist Guy: Let’s keep a doping calendar. What do you say?

Emil: DO ME!!!!

Scientist Guy: YESSSSSSSS.

Emil: Yeaaaaah.

Scientist Guy: Ohhhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhh. Ohhhhhhh. 

Emil: I FEEL BETTER THAN EVER!! I LOVE SERUM!!!!

Anyway, long story short, dudes are juicing up all over the place, the General should never have let anyone make it happen to begin with, meanwhile Bruce Banner is just trying to use his experience as a deterrent for young aspiring athletes but then you find out Emil Blonsky was having an affair with a 14 year old country singer all along. And Scientist guy refuses to testify and stays in prison for 14 months but then his wife is being investigated and his agent is saying he’s being blackballed out of his tenure position at Culver University, but Culver isn’t all that nice anyway because there have been full out military assaults on the quad making it nearly IMPOSSIBLE to play Frisbee.

Oh, and Liv Tyler is there.

Baseball should just try to glamorize the steal as much as possible. Steals can be sexy. People can do steals. Ichiro has been on fire this season. And even guys like Michael Bourn who is an offensive non-factor, is dangerous on the base paths. CAN WE PLEASE GLAMORIZE THE STEAL?

Rickey Henderson MUST come out of retirement ASAP and steal 137 bases. 

I’ve never seen a better allegorical cautionary tale in my life.

 

Man Trades Wife For Finals Tickets…Or Tries To. Papelbon LOVES Your Ex-Wife

Its things like this that give Celtics fans the fame they deserve.

I have a couple takes on this. At Lion In Oil there is the theory that dude from Medford isn’tpimping his wife for dinner, movie and sex. It’s a sweet thought, but let’s look at the Craigslist post again:

“trade 1 night with my wife shes 5-4 105 brown hair eyes great body tanned toned very pretty girl 1 night all safe and normal stuff dinner movie drinks no drugs or crazy requests serious replies only must reply with a picture to be considered please normal guys only”

Now let’s break it down.

1) Contains the “hot wife’s” stats. She’s 5-4 and 105, brown hair eyes great body tanned toned very pretty girl. Ok. So I mean….yeah. Ok. The  “great body tanned toned” is there for a reason.

2) “1 night all safe normal stuff” now, let’s assume that means normal stuff as in “No orgies or Monstertruck rallies”. “Dinner movie drinks”. So he’s got it planned out for you already. You pay to take his wife to dinner a movie and then get some drinks. Fine.

3) “No drugs or crazy requests”. Uhhh….what? Does that mean extreme bondage and furry sex are out? He’s saying “you can do my wife, but gently and kindly” here.

4) “must reply with a picture to be considered please normal guys only” So any of you with cleft hands NEED NOT APPLY! NORMAL GUYS ONLY!!! So not only would you be giving him something worth around $1000 for one night with his wife…but you also must be good looking enough to pull it off. Nice.

THIS IS WHAT THE NBA FINALS IS ALL ABOUT!!!

In related Boston Sports wife news Jonathan Papelbon loves him some nice nude ex-wife photos. Incredible story.

Am I more surprised by a guy from Medford pimping his wife or the Red Sox bullpen signing a baseball for a guy named “The Hammer” who carries around nudes of his ex-wife and distributes them at Red Sox games?

Nothing in Boston surprises me anymore.

I wish that was a hyperbolic statement but it isn’t.

I’m waiting for the day when they decide that all Duck Tour boats are becoming part of the T and will act like pay gondolas delivering non-tourists to and fro on the Charles River. Not that far away.

Also in the ‘this shit is absurd and therefore could only be related to Boston, Britney Spears or Milton Bradley’ category, Milton apparently wanted to throw down some fisticuffs with a Royals announcer last night.

Perfect example of why MB MUST join the Red Sox as a DH at some point in the near future. While they’re at it they can try to bring back Carl Everett, Jose Offerman, Rickey Henderson, Jose Canseco, Mo Vaughn and Roger Clemens (writing his name even as a joke makes me cringe).

The Red Sox could use an old, steroid infested, volatile clubhouse atmosphere. Milton Bradley would fit in perfectly…

 

 

Coco Crisp Calls Rays “Little Girls”, Challenges Greg From The Real World To A Fight

Or at least he should have.

Coco has all the right moves.

Look at that. Bob and weave.

Few people are more excited about a Rays/Sox rivalry than yours truly. These are two teams that have a long standing history of fisticuffs. You can bet Carl Crawford and Jonny Gomes will get theirs in future meetings.

The Sox and Rays still meet 9 more times this season. And the way it stands right now, could very well be in a race for the division in their two series in September (one of which I have tickets to).

I would like to take this moment to call Jonny Gomes a little bitch…Oh wait Coco already did that. Hmmm…

How can you honestly justify jumping ont he guy who charged the mound and going after him after he is already being held down? I agree that charging the mound is pretty much always stupid (with the rare exception of a pitcher going up and in intentionally [like Roger Clemens vs. Mike Piazza...where I feel it would STILL be totally justified if Mike Piazza broke into Clemens' house and beat the shit out of him]) and it the case of Coco Crisp, yeah, fine, maybe not a good citizen move. But hey, he felt he was disrespected the day before, he was pissed, whatever.

But once a guy is being held down, random guys should never jump on him and throw extra punches like that. If the person holding him down decides to punch him, fine. But there is certainly a difference between a fight and a team of guys pounding on one guy.

Even so, Coco calling them “little girls” is priceless.

I get the feeling it will end up being a strange season for the Red Sox. Maybe an even stranger one for Coco.

I’m just glad Jacoby isn’t seriously injured. Losing him at this point would be pretty horrible.

Coco Crisp never challenged anyone from the Real World Hollywood to a fight. But he’s got some moves. I think he could take Dave or Greg.